I Was a Teenage Mummy - 1962

What is it about kids making movies that is so undeniably adorable?! I'm a sucker for these 8mm/16mm home made monster movies produced by children in the 60's and 70's. I had never heard of I Was a Teenage Mummy until a friend of mine asked me if I could track it down for him. I'm always up for a challenge so I examined my resources and managed to finagle a copy.

I Was a Teenage Mummy or I Was an Invisible-Teenage-Man? Who can tell??

An homage to classic monster movies, this charming little flick has a basic Universal's "The Mummy" plot with an added cute child version of Peter Lorre that truly made my heart melt. Obviously an amateur production but the details are spot on. Lots of little touches and accurate costume details that make it an impressive achievement for a group of youngsters, or adults for that matter. It doesn't take itself too seriously, The dialogue was dubbed much later and is spoken in a way that every line references a film title. Throwing "The Man Who Knew Too Much", "Sunday, Bloody Sunday", Spellbound", "High Anxiety" and "Lolita" around in sentences. It creates a fun diversion for movie lovers.

The introduction by Forrest J. Ackerman was a nice touch, especially since the movie's so short (about an hour). He gives us a little tour of his "Acker Museum" where he humbly shows off his world famous collection of priceless movie memorabilia. Looking as festive as a Horror Host, Forry, dressed in a black cape is as adorable as can be while he casually shows off the rings worn by Boris Karloff in the Mummy and Bela Lugosi in Dracula on each hand. I love him dearly; every time I see his darling face I feel cheated out of the Grandpa I deserved.

He speaks affectionately of I Was a Teenage Mummy, comparing his encounter with the film and director Ralph Bluemke to his first meeting with a young John Landis after the screening of Schlock. He talks about how the poor 15 year old in the mummy costume endured the same endless torment as Karloff did having undergone the extreme cosmetics in the Mummy. He mentions subtleties like how they achieved the aged look of the bandages by dying them with tea. It's this attention to detail that makes the viewing experience so endearing. A lot of heart went into the film and by the end, you're really wishing that the unavailable semi-sequel "I Was a Teenage Apeman" advertised after the credits had seen the light of day.

Some of the shots are really quite beautiful. Can't beat the raw talent of youth!

Cute kids dressed as monsters, lines such as "Oh, Camel Muffins!" and the Forrest J. Ackerman seal of approval. What else do you need really?

Mad Doctor of Blood Island - 1968

After the success of Brides of Blood, director Eddie Romero re-enlisted actor John Ashley to come back to the Philippines for a follow up. Having LOVED Brides of Blood I just assumed Mad Doctor would have all of the same qualities I found so appealing in its predecessor.

A group of people who travel to an island discover that a mad doctor is doing experiments on people turning them into green blooded zombie-like monsters. While green blooded zombies sound cool an all, Mad Doctor did not live up to Brides of Blood by any stretch. The print I watched was in pretty bad shape too. The hues were constantly changing. At certain moments it gave a cool Argento-like effect but mostly it was a distracting error. There was also this swift zoom-in/zoom-out camera shake thing that happened anytime there was danger. I've never been one of those people who gets motion sickness during shaky movie scene but this actually did give me a little bit of a headache. The Carlos character's weird over-dubbing and his Freudian relationship with his mother was the most captivating part o the film and even that novelty wore off after a while.

I must say though, the monster is pretty amazing looking.

I really don't have a whole lot to say about Mad Doctor of Blood Island. It would normally not make the cut of a film I felt deemed reviewing but in lieu of Schlocktober which means all horror watched this month must be acknowledged. While I wasn't terribly thrilled with it, I didn't go in expecting much more than a late night throw-away movie, and that's exactly what I got. So if you're up late and craving something island-y and gooey to nod off to, Mad Doctor of Blood island is just what the Mad Doctor ordered.


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Before I sign off, I should mention that I recently saw Insidious: Chapter 2. Though I had no intention of devoting an entire review to it, I feel for sake of maintaining an accurate list it needs to be cited. I'm very particular about reviewing modern movies. It's not that I don't watch or enjoy them, I just feel that there are hundreds and thousands of blogs and websites that discuss brand new movies and it rarely feels relevant here at Atomic Caravan. To sum it up briefly, I did enjoy the film. I don't want to get into any depth or summary but I felt it was a competent if not somewhat over indulgent follow up.

That's all!

The Oily Maniac - 1976

Some movies have you reeled in the first time you hear the title. I really didn't care what Oily Maniac was, I needed in my life. Discovering it was a Shaw Brothers production was just a huge added bonus.

A crippled guy named Shen is given a magical spell by an old family friend who's about to be executed for accidentally killing a criminal. The criminal belonged to a gang of miscreants who are trying to steal the family's "coconut oil garden". The spell, which is more of a vengeance curse, requires Shen to dig a hole on the grounds of the oil farm and say some magical-spell-stuff while immersed in oil. What emerges is a big ol' slimy turd looking Swamp Thing-type monster who destroys any wrong doers, and there's no shortage of them running around the Coconut oil garden!

When Shen is not out gallivanting in a rubber diarrhea suit dousing himself in gasoline, he works as a legal assistant in a sleazy lawyers office. We get to see some really interesting cases. First, with a lady who falsely accuses her neighbor of rape. In a flashback sequence we see both sides of their story. When the Oily Maniac finally gets to her, it's through the spout of her lovely pink bathtub, which is in her lovely pink bathroom. I'm not sure if that's something even worth mentioning, but seeing the black oil come out of that Jayne Mansfield-esque bathtub was visually awesome.

 It was around this point in the film that I realized that Oily Maniac was noticeably more salacious than any other Shaw Brothers films I've seen. Lots of sexual situations, rape and more breasts than I've seen in any Hong Kong film made around this time aside from some Concubine themed blue movies.

Speaking of breasts...

One of the cases is against a doctor who did a botched boob job. The Oily Maniac takes care of her while she's literally sewing the virginity back on to a prostitute so her pimp can charge more. YES. This is happening.

The rubber suit isn't the most flattering during fight scenes (especially since the opening was flapping around in the back) but there are some fun effects. Seeing him liquefy into a puddle and transform back into a human was pretty interesting. By interesting I mean, cheap and passably effective. Oily Maniac lived up to and even surpassed my expectations. While it would make a great companion piece to the more supernatural works of the Shaw Brothers such as Black Magic or the Boxer's Omen, it works well on it's own as a completely insane hyperbolized homage to American Monster movies. There's a Hulk-like quality to the Oily Maniac. He gets angry because of one thing or another, a few squirts of motor oil later and he's ready to bash someone. I feel that it most certainly must have influenced the Toxic Avenger, or at least it did in my dreams. Regardless of influences and counterparts the Oily Maniac is an absolute essential genre film and I can only hope that it eventually gets the digital treatment that it truly deserves.

Day 2 complete! I'm not sure if I'm going to continue counting down the days at the end of my reviews leading up to Halloween, but it sure does feel right! No idea what kind of horror mayhem is in store for me today but you can be sure to find out first thing tomorrow on Day 3 of Schlocktober!

Spookies - 1986

I was recently discussing fun throw-away horror movies with a friend when he asked if I'd seen Spookies. I knew I owned it but couldn't recall having watched it. I wanted to kick off the Schlocktober marathon with something light and similar in spirit as the Hilarious House of Frightenstein since it was fresh on my palette. I was expecting a Gremlins/Ghoulies/Critters-esque tiny creature movie, but what I definitely was not expecting was the realization five minutes in that I in fact HAVE seen Spookies! What's worse is that it couldn't have been that long ago because I've only owned the film for a few years. I find it a bit worrisome that at the tender age of 27 my memory is already slipping. Not every detail was intact, perhaps I watched it in a party setting. After this more focused viewing I can definitely say it's a magical patchworked casserole of confused plots and monsters running amok.

The film is essentially two unfinished movies melded into one chaotic mess of bewilderment. The original story followed a group of teenagers (mostly played by actors in their 30's) who end up in a haunted house. One of the girls starts messing with a Quija bored and becomes possessed. This whole story line had a strong Night of the Demons vibe, and the possessed girl was harnessing some serious Angela realness. 

See what I mean??

The second story which was filmed later and re-edited to make an even less comprehensible spooktacular opus featured a sorcerer with a were-cat trying to reanimate his dead bride. It's all tied together by the notion that all the deaths by various demons via Angela-clone-Quija-mistress are sacrifices for the resurrection of his lady friend.

There were a few moments in the film that I feel are worth noting. Starting with a brief but memorable character in the graveyard at the beginning of the film. A young boy who has run away from home encounters a weird drifter dude hanging out in a tree. I was so sure this guy was going to turn out to be a monster of some kind. He was creepy, had a bit of a Lost Boys quality to him? It was such a small part but the general presence of the actor was strong and they really should have taken the character further. (apparently, I'm not the only one who thinks so.)

There were almost too many characters to keep track of but as far as the actual creatures I was quite taken with the farting zombies and the exploding grim reaper. The film was so charmingly jumbled that no more than 5 minutes went by without introducing a new monster. It had tinges of so many different films that I didn't even know where to begin making comparisons. Elements of Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, the directing style of a masterpiece such as Dungeonmaster with shades of Andy Milligan. Really though, I can't think of a negative thing to say about Spookies aside from wanting more of the creepface drifter. Spookies serves it's purpose and left this viewer more than satisfied (at least the second time around).

It's like a Spirit Halloween store exploded on screen!

Day 1 accomplished! So far Schlocktober is off to a good start! Check back tomorrow for whatever ends up tickling my fancy later this evening. Will there be a wizard? a chainsaw? a cannibal? a house hold appliance? Who knows, but I'll try to make it a good one!

Happy Schlocktober!!

A few years back I did a little month long horror marathon which I lovingly called Schlocktober. A moniker and format I'm sure I'm not the first to devise. Around this time of year movie websites are abuzz with horror themed reviews and articles. Feeling more in the spirit this year than last, I decided to dust off my old Schlocktober tag and join in the festivities. The goal is to watch no less than 31 horror movies this month. Ideally, one film and in turn one review per day. Naturally I expect things to come up, especially this being my favorite time of year. I plan to do my fair share of gallivanting, but as long as I can squeeze at least 31 movies in this time frame and report my findings here, Schlocktober will be a success! I won't lie, this will be a challenge. Some entries will be full reviews, some will be nothing more than a poster and a blurb, and I'm sure there will be a few duds along the way.

To prepare I re-organized all of my vhs, dvds, files and bumped everything genre to the top of my netflix queue. At this rate I'm ready for the next 30 Schlocktobers! Think of this post as a prologue. Tomorrow will begin the actual reviews. If I plan it right, the final review will fall on November 1st, which appropriately is the Day of the Dead. To get myself in the spirit of this month long celebration I spent the day prepping and watching several episodes of my newest favorite show, the Hilarious House of Frightenstein which I only recently had the pleasure of experiencing for the first time.

A unique spin on Halloween themed kids shows that's conceptually similar to a Sid and Marty Kroft-esque variety show while melded with a horror host vibe. Starring the multitalented Billy Van in almost every role. It co-starred the Tor Johnson clone Fishka Rais (Cannibal Girls) and of course Vincent Price whose in his element, as always. This show feels so nostalgic that even having not grown up with it I feel a sense of attachment and familiarity. Should be accompanied with Count Chocula or Boo Berry. By the end of the day I was ready to run around in a cape (bed sheet) with candy corn fangs yelling "blah blah blah" (you know, in that satirical Dracula voice?). The show is obviously aimed at kids and being so light and campy, it was the perfect way to kick off the season. I plan to continue watching it intermittently as Halloween grows nigh.

I'm a little late in posting this as midnight has past, but you can anticipate somewhat prompt reviews in the weeks to come!

Purana Mandir - 1984

I don't claim to be an expert on Bollywood horror, though it has always appealed to me. There's such a small output for it, so like most good things, you have to actively hunt. My introduction to the genre happened in my late teens when I first started collecting hard-to-find movies. I came across a little Nightmare on Elm Street rip-off called Khooni Murdaa, which if you have any base knowledge of the genre I'm sure you're familiar with. It was a gateway drug , so to speak, and served as an entry level pass key to the fascinating world of Bollywood Horror. Now to be fair, Khooni Murdaa wasn't really that great. Going from that to the Ramsay Brothers was a huge leap. I later saw Bandh Darwaza and found it to be worlds apart in quality and entertainment. The settings, the atmosphere and exceptional portrayal of an Indian Dracula by Anirudh (Ajay) Agarwal. A hulking 6"7 giant dude. He's got an enormously scary head. More than anything, the size of his head scares me. Yeah, it's really big. I was pleased to the learn that in addition to Bandh Darwaza, he also plays "Samri", the monster in Purana Mandir.

Before I move on to the review, I just want to mention how much I love these certification cards at the beginning.of EVERY Bollywood movie.

Purana Mandir translates to "the Old Temple", which is where the story begins. Big ol' ugly Samri is going around killing people, to put a stop to his evil reign the King has him captured and couriered to be decapitated in front of the village. Naturally, in bad guy fashion, Samri curses the king so that all of the women in his family will die horrible deaths during child birth. Two Thousand years later, in present day, the king's heir, still haunted by his wife's death, is now concerned for his beautiful daughter. She will inevitably be attracting the attention of potential husbands which only brings her closer to her doomed fate. He soon finds out, she's already met someone, they're in love and all that crap. They want to get married. He tells them all about the curse in hopes to guilt trip the suitor into bowing out. Instead they decide to go to the old temple in attempts to disprove the existence of a curse. Of course, Samri is resurrected and all kinds of monster-y stuff happens.

I did like this one, and I hate to be the jerk who complains about the running time of movies but it was really putting the hurtin' on me. I was totally into the Samri story line and even didn't mind the love story or the song and dance numbers, in fact I anticipate all of those things. Purana Mandir is considered by many experts of Indian film to be the first solid horror entry to the Bollywood cannon. Sure, there had been horror elements in other films and the Ramsay brothers themselves had been working towards the horror genre for years but with the ever growing popularity of the Halloween and Friday the 13th films, this kind of monster movie hadn't been made regionally yet. The Ramsay Brothers wanted to do something like that while still maintaining the flavor of Bollywood. It was very popular and is still considered a classic. That being said, based on my admittedly very limited knowledge of the genre, I felt it was trying to be too many things. There's a huge amount of comedy in the middle section of this 2 1/2 hour epic that was lost in translation. From what I've read this sub-plot was parodying a famous movie and was hugely successful at the time. The audience was litterally "rolling on the floor" laughing in the theaters. Then there's me sitting my bedroom with a blank expression on face. I'm not apart of the culture so I can't accurately gauge the relevancy of this plot point. But as a non-partisan movie go-er, it lost me for a good chunk of that mid-section. Whether or not this aspect of the film was popular and successful doesn't change the fact that's it's uneven. But I digress...

One thing I always thought was interesting about Bollywood films is that despite whether they're horror or romance or action, first and foremost they are Bollywood films. There will always be signature song and dance routines and you can bet that you're butt will be in that chair for a minimum of 2 1/2 hours. This isn't a bad thing, I just find it interesting that in the past century the genre has been tweaked a little this way or a little that way and modernized for sure but has never really strayed from the formula.

Aarti Gupta was a total babe and I love all of her clothes in the movie!

While on the subject of clothes...

THIS GUY.

And I can't move on from this subject before I mention...

Samri's FANTASTIC bedazzled wolf jacket. I suspect this jacket had something do with his tough guy demon persona. It HAS to be related. This is some Kenneth Anger shit.

I love the rural aspects of Bollywood horror. There's a real sense of isolation there. To my foreign eyes, it's exotic, alluring and dangerous. I can't discredit the fact that at times Purana Mandir was legitimately creepy. All humor and dancing aside, the atmosphere is really something and for the Ramsay brothers first serious attempt at horror, they did a damn fine job and most importantly, they gave India a monster. Samri.

I still prefer Bandh Darwaza slightly. Less comedy, less dance numbers, more straight up horror and I still get to see Ajay Agarwal be a total creep face. I think by then they had honed their art, although I'm sure many would disagree. But the influence of Purana Mandir cannot be denied. It's a landmark film and once I got over my Westernized need to be constantly entertained, I really dug it.