The Secret Life: Jeffrey Dahmer (1993)

I've never been a huge fan of true crime. The starkness of such subject matter is a little too impolite for my taste, even as a horror fan. Reality is not fun and the world is a terrible, terrible place. That's why becoming attached to movies like Blood Feast and Slumber Party Massacre 2 is so easy. How relatable are Fuad Ramses and the Driller Killer? They're practically cartoons. People who actually go out and do awful things to other people do not interest me. That being said, since art mimics life naturally a few movies are going to pop up that are based on or heavily inspired by a real life monster. I may not hero worship Ed Gein like some people, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate the 1974 film Deranged. You get what I'm saying.

I might not have given this one a second thought, but lately I've developed a huge crush on dvd distro Intervision. It started when I decided to rent Sledgehammer, an other worldly "slasher"(?) about a ghost killer with a ghost sledgehammer. It crescendo'd after I saw "Things", a 1989 Canadian horror movie that defies any kind of rationalization. It's from another planet. The same planet Death Bed: the Bed That Eats is from. Both of which I intend to review (still catching up on my list!). After those two I knew I needed to just blindly purchase anything this life changing company throws my way. After viewing the trailer for The Secret Life: Jeffrey Dahmer I decided that it had potential so I decided to put my faith in Intervison and give it a look.

Already knowing the basics about Jeffrey Dahmer, as anyone the planet would, it made it difficult for the movie to surprise me. Reality is a spoiler in true crime horror movies. It's all very straight forward. It's a bit repetitive since most of it is him performing his little bait and switch routine. Offering men money to take their picture then slaying them in a cornucopia of plenty. Objectively, there are some good kills. Feets on fire, tenderly requesting permission to decapitate, offering bounties of drugged meatloaf sandwiches. Carl Crew plays Dahmer, despite his over acting I thought he did a pretty good job. He definitely looks the part. More than anything he made me want to rewatch Blood Diner.

This film wasn't spectacular but it did have it's moments.There are three moments in particular that I hold dear to my heart. The first being the scene on the cover of the dvd. Imagine romantic midi piano music while Jeffy lovingly cradles a freshly severed head. He whispers sentiments of eternal love and foreverness. It's an appalling spectacle of enchantment. I also really loved his apartment. Skeleton n' shit everywhere, in practice and in artistic taste. Simple, but metal.

Another is finding out that much to my surprise (thought maybe I shouldn't be) Jeffrey Dahmer was a Herschell Gordon Lewis fan...

Or maybe it's just Carl Crew? Between this and Blood Diner. Either way, he should give me his shirt.




Lastly and most importantly....

This guy.



For no apparent reason at all this Barry Gibb clone appears in a bar and calls Dahmer from a payphone, harassing him with his menacing grimace and awkward silence. Then nothing... That's it... No more Gibb. WHY DID THIS HAPPEN??? Dahmer was offended, even I was offended. But I want more. Where has he been all my life? I didn't even know what to look for in the credits. "Person Who Looks More Like A Serial Killer than Jeffrey Dahmer"? Truly one of the world's greatest mysteries.


Overall despite my hang ups with true crime The Secret Life: Jeffrey Dahmer force fed me enough cheese to be constantly reminded that it's all just a little bit of movie magic. It didn't speak to me on the same level as Things or Sledgehammer, but it's a nice slice of  Intervision love to stave off my hunger for today. Seal of approval granted. And I promise more reviews of it's distro brethren in the near future!

Scum of the Earth (1963)

Herschell Gordon Lewis has been a favorite director of mine for years. His movies (and maybe Basket Case as well) are single handedly responsible for introducing me to Something Weird Video when I was in my teens. Naturally, a few would slip through the cracks. I focussed on his gore movies almost completely over looking his other facets of exploitation. Scum of the Earth was a title noticed, but with so much schlock to go through it remained just another notch on my massive to-see list. I hadn't even realized that it's known for the most infamous speech in the entire Something Weird catalog.







For a movie that at first glance could appear to be just another trashy exploitation flick, it's surprisingly tasteful. Like an artfully executed after school special. A talented smut photographer, Harmon Johnson played by William Kerwin, and an ex-model played by Sandra Sinclair are stuck in an illegal pornography ring. Sandy wants out and the boss has promised this to her if she can produce a new model. The target: a young college bound girl. She needs tuition money and they tell her she'll just be modeling shoes and bathing suits. It starts well, she's happy with her new job and fast cash. Harmon earns her trust and they develop a friendship. The boss, Mr. Lang played by Lawrence J. Aberwood is a serious cigar chomping asshole. He's got sleaze written all over him. There's also a few lackies named Ajax and Larry. Ajax is a hulking buffoon who likes to play rough with the models. Larry is played by Mal Arnold, infamous for portraying the wild eyed, Ishtar worshiping  Egyptian feast making Fuad Ramses in Herschell Gordon Lewis' legendary Blood Feast. I can't even express how excited I was to see him in another roll. Hilariously, his character constantly reminds us that he's a minor, when he's obviously at at least thirty. Adding even more irony is that he plays an old man in Blood Feast which was made the same year. It's this kind of campy foul play that has made me a fan of anything with H.G. Lewis' name on it. Mal Arnold isn't the only Lewis/Friedman alumni. William Kerwin is also a major player in Blood Feast, A Taste of Blood, Two Thousand Maniacs, Suburban Roulette, the Adventures of Lucky Pierre and Bell, Bare and Beautiful. I always enjoy seeing him as the ideal straight man. That's what I love about Scum of the Earth, we get to see him break away from that and play a sleaze for a change, and I might add he never looked better. White hair on the sides and a five o'clock shadow. I barely recognized him with all that sexiness going on.

Although Scum of the Earth is considered a roughie, it's quite tame. As I mentioned there's almost no nudity, just silhouettes and a few I-think-I-just-saw-a-nipple moments. Unlike most roughies, this film has a happy ending! So you can look forward to not needing a shower afterwards. Based on Lawrence J. Aberwood's notorious "You're Damaged Merchandise, and this is a Fire Sale" speech, you would expect a lot more trashy happenings. In the end we're left with what could be considered an exceptionally well made public service announcement on the dangers of pornographers. Which I believe is a wink at the audience since that's what H.G. Lewis and even more so David F. Friedman are famous for. They turned themselves into overly caricaturized villains for this movie.

This has become an instant favorite of mine. It may be a little too modest for some exploitation fans, but for me Mr. Aberwood's venomous sermon on why Little Miss Muffet is dirty deep down inside, do you hear me? Dirty! I think his vileness makes up for the lack of vulgarity from the other characters. On that note, I'll leave you with something you've probably seen hundreds of times...

Stay tuned for my third review in the David F. Friedman retrospective, She Freak. Until then I bid you adieu...