Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts

11/27/14

Carving Magic - (1959) Happy Shanksgiving!

Watching this bonus featurette on my copy of Blood Feast has become a mini-tradition on this day of roasting, baking, boiling and braising. It stars one of my favorite camp actors William Kerwin as a dumbstruck gaffer who is just learning how to carve meat. It's like a vintage cookbook come to life. Well worth the 20 minutes... 





My Thanksgiving dinner is late this year, there's still much cooking to be done and it's about time to christen the wine.

Cheers!




10/11/13

Gore-Met, Zombie Chef from Hell - 1986

To keep with the general spirit of food and SOV movies, yesterday after Microwave Massacre I decided to finally throw on Gore-Met, Zombie Chef from Hell. It's been in my collection for quite a few years, which I often feel guilty about. That is until those moments come where I'm too broke to buy movies and I'm feeling lazy, cozy and relieved that I've stock piled a ridiculous amount of movies which are seemingly on the back burner indefinitely.






























Besides having one of the most creative/retarded titles of all time, GORE-MET, Zombie Chef from Hell is just as incompetent as it would suggest. For starters, let's just delve into the ridiculousness of the title. The idea of a Zombie Chef is really confusing. Zombies are pretty much like carnivorous robots. They simply consume. The idea of the sophisticated preparation of human flesh by an undead being is Hi-larious.























Does it actually live up to the title? in short; YES. While Gore-Met might be a nonsensical cluster-fuck, it fills a very tiny void of film history that could only exist in a dimension where sorcerers wear sweatshirts and serve each other "slimy slider" cocktails in a North Carolina dive bar.
























The plot, or whatever resembles one, revolves around an ancient cult/sect called (and I am not fucking kidding right now) "the Righteous Brotherhood".....

Read it again slowly...

the RIGHTOUS BROTHER-hood

Am I sensing a hint of fanboy-ism on director Don Swan's part? Just to warn you from here on out this cult will now be referred to simply as the Righteous Brothers.

When the Righteous Brothers discover that one of their most powerful members has killed the high priestess in attempt gain total control, they drag him out to the forest and cast a curse on him that will make it so he never dies but must constantly consume human flesh so that he doesn't slowly rot away. A fate worse than death. Jump ahead 600 years or so and "Goza" (who I, and I'm pretty sure every other person who has EVER seen this movie mistook for "Gozer" of Ghostbusters fame) is now working in the ugliest, shittiest, most repulsive looking bar I've ever seen. Goza works as the head chef, where he apparently cooks and consumes the customers himself, and also (for whatever stupid reason) serves human flesh to the public. Working as his bartender/assistant is Blozor. A big hulking dork of an ancient warlock who has no real power except to knock someone's head off with a simple punch to the face.
























The Righteous Brothers have realized their error in allowing Goza to live, so in attempt to put him in his place and strip him of his power there's an epic battle of wizardry which involves absolutely no special effects at all. Simply the staggering talent of two amateur actors. One in a Hawaiian shirt, the other in a simple pull over hoodie. With heated dialogue and dramatic hand gestures, we the audience are treated to the most pathetic and inept battle sequence of all time. Not even kidding here. I was so conflicted between the excitement of the soap opera-like dialogue and the anti-climatic action sequence that my internal organs entangled themselves in a barftastic explosion of hysterics which ended with me rolling off my bed, out of the bedroom, out my apartment, into the streets where I laid there until I car came by and hit me, I died and was reanimated by the Righteous Brothers, had to live off of flesh to stay alive, and the cycle started all over again with someone else. This is the impact that Gore-met, Zombie Chef from Hell will have on your life.









































For a movie with such a deliberately exaggerated title there's very little gore and no real "zombie". Customers complain about hair and jewelry being in their food so I wouldn't really call him a "chef", and "hell" isn't even really a factor at all. All of that considered, somehow (despite what other reviewers may say) Gore-Met delivers. For being as clumsy and incoherent as it truly is, there's an undeniable gonzo quality that is a rare treat in a film from any decade.

In closing; is Gore-Met a decent film? Definitely not. Will you enjoy it? I doubt it. Should you love and obsess over it? YES. Proceed with the lowest of expectations and the highest dose of whatever your preferred substance may be and marvel at the glorious inadequacy.



10/9/13

Microwave Massacre -1983

I feel almost ashamed for having never seen today's dose of absurdity. It's been a constant blip on my radar but there's always so much to see it somehow just kept getting put off. Until today! It's cold and rainy over here in Pasadena, which is a refreshing change since we were in a heat wave just a few weeks ago. The weather made me crave pizza and pajamas. Pizza and pajamas makes me crave 80's Shot on Video horror movies. Couldn't have picked a more perfect day to watch Microwave Massacre.







































Donald is an average Joe. He works in construction and enjoys bologna sandwiches and cheese burgers. While his co-workers partake in simple manly lunches he's forced to endure over ambitious crab sandwiches (as in, an entire king crabs in the shell between bread) and other fancy schmancy fodder. All courtesy of his wife's new over-sized microwave, this is the case for all of his meals. She's such a horrid cook that he snaps, bludgeoning her with a giant pepper shaker. After waking up the next day from a post-murder black out, he discovers his dismembered wife in the microwave. Naturally, he wraps her pieces up in foil and keeps her in the freezer for safe keeping. At this point he decides to clean out all of her pre-made wrapped up meals, so in the garbage they go. He walks away, leaving the door opened which allows her hand rolls out into the pile of Lean Cuisine foolishness. Several hours or maybe even a day later he gets hungry and decides to eat the frozen food he had discarded OUT of the garbage (George Costanza style), which is pretty vile unto itself, only to discover that the delicious bloody meat he's enjoying is the arm of his late wife. Oh dear. From this point on the movie is a haze of him somehow luring sexy broads, mostly hookers but not exclusively, to his house where he makes a meal out of them.







































Comedian Jackie Vernon (the voice of Frosty the Snowman!) plays Donald, in his final feature film. He has a Rodney Dangerfield-eque delivery and considering the material he handles the role with just the right amount of aloofness. Like this old timer comedian just kind of wandered on set one day and they offered him twenty bucks and a sandwich (hold the arm).







































While I understand the wife's desire to create pretentious elegant dishes (refer to my instagram) I feel that the real message here is of the horrors and uselessness of microwave meals. I love flipping through old cookbooks in thrift stores, and even buying them if they're extra horrifying. It always astonishes me to see the things that were trendy to eat in the 50's-70's. It was more about convenience, color and how far it can stretch than freshness and edibility. Bad food plateaued in the 80's with the rising popularity of microwaves which led to a slew of  "Microwave Cookbooks". You know what I'm talking about. The ones that claim you can roast a whole turkey in that radiated death box. Microwave Massacre is clearly parodying this bullshit mentality. The combination of food and film, or better yet, food and horror films is one of my greatest pleasures. I'm rambling a bit here but what I'm saying is I totally understand Donald's plight and his wife probably deserved to die.






















I always feel the need to give every movie I review some kind of thumb-up/thumb-down in case it isn't clear from the way I've discussed it. I rarely mention movies I don't enjoy, and even if they're tough and I rib on them a bit like Zombie 5 or Mad Doctor of Blood Island, I never regret watching them. This isn't even one of those instances, I absolutely loved Microwave Massacre. It reminded me of some of H.G. Lewis's later efforts mixed with some hyper-sexualized Russ Meyers cleavage shots, a likable doofus of a main character and lots of silly looking body parts. My only real disappointment with the film is that the microwave does not massacre anyone. Naturally I was expecting a classic case of "Killer Appliance", but I'm still quite content with the Blood Feast-like premise. The idea of organized suburban cannibalism is quaint. It's a gem of a film and if I must visually convince you....























P.S...I feel the need to add that that weird long man thumb does not belong to my dainty bird-like female hand.

P.S.S....also, I am aware that birds do not have hands.



Goodnight!


12/31/12

Coffy, Giallo and Gluttony

I've been super lazy since Christmas. I always over extend myself during the Holidays. Between parties, huge banquets I assign myself to prepare, working retail, not to mention my crafty endeavors, by the time everything is said and done my ass is busted. I had some time off of work but I'm completely broke for the next week or so, that really leaves nothing else to do but watch movies! I spent the day after Christmas having my much needed Holiday Horror marathon. Originally I was going to spend yesterday watching some of my gift-movies, but at the last minute I decided to save them for the new year so they can make it to my 2013 list. It's not as if I have any shortage of dvds, bootlegs, videos and downloads to raid. So I tackled a few dust collectors from the vault, which makes way more sense considering I've had them way longer.
































First, I decided to watch Jack Hill's "Coffy". I caught up on a lot of Jack Hill this year, mostly his Filipino Women in Prison films, but again with Pam Grier. Seemed like a good Hill film to round off the year. The thing that makes these movies so great is getting to stare at Pam Grier who is a pillar of strength and a most bodacious babe. Seeing her blow the heads off drug peddlers with a shot gun is illuminating. She plays a nurse whose 11 year old sister has been hooked on heroin. Fed up with all the pushing going on in her town, she seeks out revenge by picking the gangsters off one by one. A lot of similarities to Foxy Brown. I'm not sure why, but I liked Coffy a little better. Just a personal preference. Maybe just because it's fresher on my mind, maybe it was the Roy Ayers score, or maybe the super saccharine psychedelic furniture, clothes and wallpaper (although as I recall, there was plenty of that in Foxy Brown too), but it was all good. Oh, also. Linda Haynes. I love her. She's so very lovely, appeared in a handful of exceptional cult movies in the 60's/70's (Rolling Thunder, Latitude Zero and my favorite, the Guyana Tragedy: The Story of Jim Jones) and has just has great cadence and screen presence. She worked well opposite Pam Grier which is no easy feat. Grier is a whole lotta' woman.


Next up I watched what was truly one of the most revolting movies I've ever seen. Those are some pretty big shoes to fill. I've watched some grossies but having finally gotten around to the 1975 film "Criminally Insane" aka "Crazy Fat Ethel", I'm really reaching to think of something more disgusting at the moment. Ethel is an obese woman who lives with her Grandma and is undergoing shock treatment for her fits of rage. What causes these rages? Anything or anyone who comes in between her and her food. Food is a powerful tool in a film. Certain films revolving around food make me happy and hungry (Tampopo coming to mind). Food is kind of universal in the language of film and for that reason I love to see it used at a plot point. As comforting as it can be, it can also be extremely unappealing.




















Once gluttony, fetishism and digestion is involved, this thing that gives us nourishment has been corrupted. I was less affected by the violence in Criminally Insane as Ethel's insatiable appetite. The fact that the two were related gave it a bigger impact. We constantly see Ethel cooking and eating huge amounts of food. Never having enough, KILLING people that interfere with her constant consumption. It's a really ugly subject, and considering I chose to watch it while I and had just sat down (not really knowing what it was about) with big plate of Christmas leftovers, it effected me even more so. I couldn't eat my food and in fact, I didn't eat again for the rest of the day. I've always prided myself in having an iron gut in regards to grotesqueries. You develop a tolerance when pizza and graphic horror movies are a reoccurring factor in your life. THIS MOVIE, set me off my food in a way few have. Some may consider it cheesy, but I thought it was genius. Elements of a John Waters movie directed by H.G. Lewis or Andy Milligan. I recently found out that it was remade this past year. I can't help but wonder what a modernized Crazy Fat Ethel would be like. The dvd also came with a sequel made in 1987, which I anticipate watching...on an empty stomach.

After this I tried to watch Lucio Fulci's Murder Rock from 1984, but I downloaded it and the copy was in Italian with no english subs. Which is weird, because this is like the third time I've tried to watch it and something has happened. The first time, I rented it from netflix and the disc was scratched, the second time I was at a friend's house and I got called into work within the first 20 minutes and now this. It's like I'm not meant to see this movie that I strongly suspect I will love. Dammit.
























This poster is out of sight! 



Moving on, I decided to stick with the Italian theme and go the Giallo route, although I didn't realize it at the time, the film I picked was actually French, derp. 2009's "Amer", a French tribute to giallo. I was a little daunted by this one. Someone, I can't even remember who, told me that it sucked. That comment mind-ninja'd me out of making the leap for a while. With Murder Rock being a busta-rooni, it just seemed like the next best thing. And it was! Very minimal dialogue so the story is more of a collage of visuals. There are maybe ten lines in the whole movie. The film is mostly about psychosis, but you don't really know that at first...so that's a spoiler, sorry. It unfolds in three acts, all revolving around a pretty girl in three stages of her life. The first, her as a little girl living in what seems to be a haunted house. The second part, her as a teenager going to town with her mother. There are a lot of hormonal sexual overtones in this entire sequence (the whole film really, but it really comes out in this scene). Then, her as an adult going back to the house she grew up in, the "haunted" house. The film takes some unexpected twists and turns all the while using beautiful lighting and cinematography which has been greatly influenced by giallo films. The music is spectacular as well. Stelvio Cipriani, Ennio Morricone, Bruno Nicolai and they even threw in a pop song by Adriano Celantano. Nicely done. The ambiance is bewitching. Reminiscent of Suspiria and the work of Carmelo Bene. Tinges of Svankmajer's Alice in the that first sequence as well. It's worth a look if you're a fan of anything I've mentioned. Throw Backs are difficult to master. Take Argento's own film "Giallo" for instance. What a mess. This film on the other hand is a nice addition to your giallo collection and the best revivals of the genre I've yet to experience. I recommend it.

























Despite my ambivalence toward the film, I dig the poster. I kind of want it.



Lastly in this quadruple feature, I decided to go back to Fulci and watch another I had on hand. Sodoma's Ghost. Yeeesh. I'd heard bad things but, I'd heard bad things about Amer too. I hear bad things about a lot of movies, especially ones I end up loving. So I watched it anyway. Ehh, not so good. It's about this group of teens who get lost and end up at house haunted by Nazi ghosts. It sounds cool and all, but there's a whole lot of nothin' going on. There's some extended footage of Nazi's partying (which Fulci re-used in Cat in the Brain), confused teens, and one good scene involving Russian Roulette and monster tits.














See?



It was watchable, barely, but very watered down for Fulci. I can say without hesitation it's my least favorite of his. The end of the movie felt very Scooby-Doo. No real consequences or death. I'm sad to say, it was just generally weak. Oh well...

Next time I post it will be 2013! yay! I may even post my top 12 of 2012.

See you next year!