Mini Reviews: 7 Lucky Ninja Kids, The Godfarter 3, Goddess Bunny Channels Shakespeare, Pink Narcissus

I'm trying to watch 365/365 this year. I was way behind schedule for about a month and a half when I was transitioning between jobs. Now that things have leveled out I've made it a personal goal to catch back up. That means watching on average two movies a day, and I'm almost all caught up. When I started I was around 50 movies behind, now I only have 7 to go! Some days when I'm in the right mood and have nothing else going on I can marathon 4 or 5 movies which has helped me catch up alot. I'm kind of just rambling here but my point is, I'm watching a lot of movies in rapid succession.

You may have noticed that I added some categories to the side panel. I'd like to keep adding them as they develop. I put Mini Reviews at the top because I've already written so many short bulk reviews. They're kind of like rant-y movie journal entries, which is fun for me. Also, it's impossible to review ALL of the movies I watch. Maybe some writers could do it but it takes me too long just to crank out one. At least with mini-reviews I can mention a few other goodies that I didn't have the time or the mindspace to write full reviews for.

One recent treat I had the pleasure of seeing was 7 Lucky Ninja Kids. A Taiwanese all-kid kung-fu comedy from 1986. A friend had recommended it to me a while back, so when I saw it at the video store with the tagline "Awesome Skateboard Riding, Pizza Eating Group of Mini Ninjas!" - I knew it had to be mine. It seemed to be set in a world where it was ok for adults to punch kids in the face. The 7 kids are apart of some kind of ass kicking brigade and there's not a parent in sight. They get mixed up a diamond heist which leads to lots of Home Alone-esque kid vs. robber action. There's tons of copyright infringement going on with the soundtrack too. Amidst the flying kicks you'll catch snippets of pop songs and film scores. I definitely heard John Carpenter's Halloween theme a few times awkwardly placed in a fight scene. It reminded me a little of Sammo Hung's "My Lucky Stars" only with kids and less small-dick jokes. It was a lot of fun though I must say, the only real disappointment was the lack of skateboard riding or pizza eating. That was completely misleading.

I discovered a bizarre little short film called The Godfarter 3 which was actually a homemade SOV screen test for gonzo actor Timothy Carey in attempt to get cast in the Godfather part III. Despite his respectable career featuring roles in the Wild One, Paths of Glory and the Killing of a Chinese Bookie, he's perhaps best known for his magnum opus, which he wrote directed and starred in, the World's Greatest Sinner. It could also be accurately described as the world's greatest vanity piece! With its absurd plot and his unusual acting style it's truly an inspired cult masterpiece. The Godfarter 3 on the other hand is a train wreck. If you're blinded by Carey fangirlism like me, you'll get a kick out just seeing him deliver stagnant lines over blaring opera music and making terrifying faces into the camera. The film itself is only 7 minutes long but afterwards there's an additional 15 minutes or so of interview footage which was far more entertaining. Apparently Francis Ford Coppola wanted him for the first two Godfather's but he turned it down saying he'd only be doing it for the money. So in turn he requested an enormous amount if he were to actually accept the role (make sense? not really). Coppola was no longer interested. One of the most infamous Carey stories is that during on the of the readings he pulled a gun out of a lunch box and shot both Francis Ford Coppola and Martin Scorsese with blanks. He was promptly escorted off of the property.

Another bit of outsider cinema I had the pleasure of experiencing was "The Goddess Bunny Channels Shakespeare". I found it on VHS at Poo-Bah records inside the box for ANOTHER Goddess Bunny movie called "The Ma Barker Story" (which appears to be autographed though I can't make out the name). I was disappointed that it wasn't the right movie but since it was still Goddess Bunny, I got over it quick. If you're unfamiliar with Goddess Bunny do yourself a favor and youtube her. She was a famous drag queen from the 80's/90's who had suffered from Polio as a child which made her spine underdeveloped. Her performances are quite a spectacle. When I saw her most famous video simply titled "The Goddess Bunny" years ago, it wasn't something I would soon (or ever) forget. Stumbling upon what appears to be a legitimate independent release of one of her films is pretty much the find of a century. It's mostly her, and some fellow performers/friends drunkenly reciting Shakespeare (and then some other play which I'm pretty sure is not Shakespeare). Much like the Godfarter 3, it's an odd character study that would probably only be enjoyed by big fans or a glutton for punishment. You've been warned.

I finally saw the candy colored phallus in wonderland , Pink Narcissus. Some serious queer arthouse action. A vast rainbow of pearls, chiffon and boners. Stylistically reminiscent of Kenneth Anger's work (though much more Homo-erotic, as I recall Anger's work being a bit more subtle), it's basically an extended sexual fantasy of one man dreaming of an arabesque garden of other perfectly endowed men. Clocking in at 71 one minutes, I felt it could have been a little shorter. With no real narrative, just high octane sexually driven visuals after about 45 minutes you're kind of ready for the end. As it is, I'm ready for this review to end.

That's it for today kids. Until next time...

Dandy Dust -1998

Attempting to find or follow any kind of coherent narrative in Dandy Dust is futile. There's a loose interpretation of a story-like thing involving a cyborg, lesbian clones, memory loss, sex spiders, drill dicks and space travel. Despite mostly having no clue what was going on, I would be remiss not to at least mention these plot points in passing. Instead of  pretending to know what I'm talking about I'll move on to the real star of the film: The highly saturated experimental special effects. At the end of the day that's where 98% of my attention was drawn. Me and probably any human-like person subjecting themself to this fluorescent celluloid orgy. From a certain character having a lighter flame for a head or the vagina-torso'd (I think I just created a word there) spider was aptly named "Spidercuntboy" - these were all passing fragments I can but feebly piece together in this neoplasmic assault of the senses.

Using all kinds of extremely effective low budget techniques, Dandy Dust took 5 1/2 years for director A. Hans Scheirl, to finish. Being completed just two years before the 21st century, Dandy Dust just may be the quintessential cyber punk opus. It covers so much ground while still being utterly ridiculous and visually stunning in a cut and paste black light and cardboard kind of way. You can really see the care that went into making this hyper-sexualized gender bending sci-fi expression of pure pandemonium. Every detail of every black light heavy set piece, neon paper mache costume, electric potato starch slime, every barrage edit and stop animation clip, 16 mm projection, every dazzling shadow every video toaster manipulated effect was placed haphazardly and doused in magical unicorn jizzim to seal it with a cosmic kiss from Kenneth Anger and Rinse Dream to make a rich tapestry of vulgarity and psychedelia.

This review is running a little shorter (and ramble-y) than most. Not because I didn't love the film but because it's in many ways greater than words. It fits into a very exclusive type of films I fucking love that I very rarely get to see. My default case-in-point has always been, Rinse (Stephen Sayadian) Dream's Dr Caligari. Which looks like a Tennessee Williams play compared to this distorted kaleidoscopic hullabaloo. Other notable films that remind me of/ have similar characteristics would be Liquid Sky, Pink Narcissus, Carmelo Bene's Salome, Superstarlet A.D., Geek Maggot Bingo and this amazing Max Headroom-ish  movie from 1989 called "Split" that no one ever talks about for some reason. There are also moments reminiscent of the Kuchar Brothers and more recently Craig Baldwin. Not to name drop too much but I couldn't help while watching the film but find myself in waves of prismatic nostalgia.

After the movie ended I had to take a few days off of all activities requiring use of my brain. After slipping into a pornoplastic diabetic booger coma, I awoke with a new sense of being and a revelation that this is the kind of movie I should be watching all day every day, or at least spend a good portion of my life seeking out films such as this that can make my frontal lobe quiver with candy colored wonderment.

The Mafu Cage (1978)

I've been wanting to see the Mafu Cage since I first laid eyes on it's provocative poster art. I found it in the cult section at Amoeba and it's been beckoning me every time I've skimmed by in the past year. I ended up with some store credit so I decided to make the leap for a few curiosities, Mafu Cage was at the top of the list. It's a challenge to attempt compartmentalizing this bizarre film into any given category. It's often mis-classified as horror and although it definitely contains some terrifying themes, the film itself is about as erratic and unpredictable as the character it surrounds.

Carol Kane plays "Cissy", a delusional young woman who was never able to move on from her childhood in Africa and the death of her Anthropologist father. Her sister Ellen, played by Lee Grant, promised their late father to always take care of Cissy no matter how extreme her peculiar behavior may be. It was his belief that as long as Cissy could be kept busy in her natural environment that she'd be just fine. To accommodate her eccentricities they turned the living room into a jungle. Plants, tribal music, African decor and a giant cage for Cissy's "Mafu". Although it's never quite explained what a "Mafu" is, she uses it in reference to her pet monkeys. Perhaps it's a term she picked up from an African tribe. Her sister allows her to keep an ape around to illustrate as she did for her father's research. It's obvious that Ellen allows this, not for research, but to keep Cissy content.

The problem (or one of the many problems) with Cissy is that she's given to hysterical outbursts that end with a violent attack on her pet monkey. In a fit of childish rage, she suddenly becomes angry when it doesn't obey her. She throws a temper tantrum and inevitably ends up killing the poor creature when she can't have her way. Ellen doesn't know what to do, she tries cutting her off but Cissy's dramatic suicide attempts and meltdowns make Ellen give in every time. It's not until she actually witnesses the slaying of an orangutan that she finally refuses Cissy's request for yet another replacement Mafu. Unfortunately, Cissy's homicidal tendencies are taken beyond animals when a man Ellen is romantically interested in comes into the picture. This aspect of the film leads us into all kinds of demented incestuous lesbian overtones between Ellen and Cissy. Ellen seems to wants a chance at a normal life but based on her intimate relationship with her sister (perhaps being isolated in Africa during adolescence?) she knows she can never really have one. During one especially verbally graphic scene Cissy reminds Ellen that it's been a long time since shes made her "gush". Wow, gross. Cissy even insinuates in one scene that she's partaken in sexual activities with her Mafus. It's fairly obvious at any given moment in the film that there will be no happy ending for these two.

Although certain elements were a little hard to watch (animal killing is always a tough pill to swallow), I found the Mafu Cage to be a fascinating character study. I've always had a great affection for Carol Kane. Ever since I was 5 or so and saw her in Scrooged as "the Ghost of Christmas Present" where she channels some sort of nutzoid Glinda the Good Witch. She's cute, awkward and severely under used as a serious actress. She always struck me as this pixie-esque incarnation of Bette Davis. Sadly her unconventional looks and funny voice have had her typecast in mostly comedy, bit parts and character roles. After seeing the Mafu Cage I'm more convinced than ever that she's one of my favorite actresses. Lee Grant, although a fantastic actress, didn't interest me much in this film. The Mafu Cage is all about Carol Kane being exhaustingly fervorous, seductive and primal. The other characters are just there to set up Cissy's next catastrophe.

It's hard to judge whether or not anyone else would like this film. I can't see it appealing to many people. The elements I found compelling seem to walk a tight rope between whimsical and adverse. It's exotic and visually striking. Cissy's clothes and artistic style are so alluring and primitive. She's a sexy and appealing character who you desperately want to see cozily adapted to her element. Much like Lota in Island of Lost Souls, she's wild thing you want to study. I found it conflicting for such a stimulating character to participate in such reprehensible actions. Certain aspects of the film felt distinctly feminine, perhaps the pleasantries of having a female director? On the other hand, the confinement and pulsating atmosphere is so stifling that the feral nature of the main character takes center stage.

It's not difficult to see why this film has not quite found an audience. It's easy to classify the unclassifiable as "cult" when a film contains such convoluted algorithms. But what is it a cult film without a cult following? With such a unique vision and subversive material it's certainly deserving of a devoted flock of admirers. I'd love to hear some others' thoughts on the film. This one seems to have completely mis-fired to the point of abysmal obscurity. I can't promise you'll like it, but for fellow explorers who share my self-destructive curiosity, you may find yourself hypnotized by this feverish example of unrestrained captivity within the tightly wound barriers of psychopathia sexualis.

I wish

this was real...

Hookers, Homos, Rapists, Supervans and Gary Busey.

I've really let this blog go to slacksville in the past month or so. I have a pretty good excuse this time though! My mom flew in from Florida for vacation. I spent a good week domesticating this place before her arrival and obviously didn't get around to watching many movies while she was here. She left over two weeks ago but since I had taken several days off too, I experienced a little bit of post vacation shock. Have you ever had  that? It's the like the first week of school, you can't really find your groove because you got used to not having any responsibilities. Anyway, I've been trying to take it easy and in turn have watched many movies, several of which I'm going to touch upon bulk review style.

I'll try to do this chronologically. While my Mom was in town she wanted to hit up as many thrift stores and yard sales as we could so she could hunt for treasures to sell in her vintage Etsy store. This worked out well for me when we hit the jackpot at an Echo Park yard sale in the VHS department. Stacks of b-movies spanning from the 60's-80's! After Mom's departure I partook in some much overdue Hookersploitation with the 1984 film Angel.

 I'd been wanting to see this for years. I know it's available on DVD now, but it's so apart of my forbidden video memories that such an upgrade seems unorthodox. I'm used to seeing it staring back at me while browsing for video nasties when I was a kid. I was scandalized and hypnotized by the cover and could only imagine the sleaziness to behold. So finally, I sit down to watch it, and it's NOTHING like I expected. It's not sleazy, it's kind of pathetic. She doesn't really want to be a hooker, she's more of a victim of circumstances. It plays out a lot like an afterschool special, thankfully, there is a serial killer. You know the type, He butchers street walkers for kicks. He helps move this emotionally wrought story along, giving it more of a punch. Despite my love for a good movie killer, the best performance in the film is BY FAR Dick Shawn who plays Angel's drag queen friend and fellow floozy. Dick Shawn has a way of stealing the show in all of the movies he's made an appearance in, Angel is no different. His best scenes are those shared with Angel's "Jew-Dyke" land lady, played by the fantastic Susan Tyrell! Just as bat shit crazy as you'd expect from Queen Doris. All in all, Angel was a little more heavy handed than I would have liked. They make it seem like whoring your body out is a bad thing. Pfft. Not in a low budget 80's movie, my friends.

A little later that week I watched the Stanley Kramer classic, the Defiant Ones, starring Sidney Poitier and Tony Curtis as members of a chain gang. The paddy wagon they're being transported on wrecks creating a perfect oportunity to make a run for it. Completely at odds and bound by chains, they're constantly at eachother's throats. This is the late 50's (and a Poitier movie no less) so you can be sure there's lots of racial tension. In fact, "tension" is probably an understatement. Despite social taboos, they're both criminals and have to work together if they have any chance at freedom.

A wonderful premise for the times although the end confused me a little bit. SPOILER ALERT... Because of injuries Tony Curtis sustains he is unable to hop the train they're supposed to escape by, so what does Poitier do? Jumps off to stay with his friend. I understand that by this point in the film they've accepted one another and have even made a few sacrifices to keep each other alive but this seemed a little absurd to me. I loved the movie so much but the end, however so charming, left me scratching my head a little. It didn't quite add up. So I do a little research to discover that apparently there's this WHOLE homosexual sub-text that I didn't even pick up on. During that time of course gay relationships were terribley watered down in Hollywood films, so it's not unreasonable that this could be overlooked. It makes complete sense in retrospect. There's a lot of cuddling and a general disinterest in women. Sure, Poitier had a wife, but really what does that matter? Especially back then when most homosexuals found wives despite their sexual preference due to social obligations. Curtis, who had quite the reputation in real life, comes close to using an older marm-ish woman as an escape plan but eventually realizes he's better off with Poitier. The scene where he's rinsing his buff body in front of her is almost taunting. Both men are at their sexiest in the Defiant Ones and when they're at odds you can almost feel the flames through the screen. This is all muddled down with obvious racism, which was much more of a commercialized form of biggotry. Interacial homosexuality? Un-fucking-heard of. With lines like "You're married to me alright, and here's the ring!" *rattles chain*, there's an undeniable message. I don't mean to say this is all physical, but now that I've given this some serious thought there's definitely a strong emotional bond between them by the end of the movie that inevitably dictates their fate as a team.

aw, kinda sweet :-)


I finally got around to seeing the 2004 Belgian horror movie Calvaire. Meh. all it really accomplished was reminding me why I don't usually make time for modern horror. Very slow to start, keeping your interest only by making you wonder where the hell they're going with this. The end result was a no frills torture porn that tries to immitate the most harrowing aspects of films like Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Deliverance, with of course none of the artistry or ingenuity.

It's dismal, ugly and not in the least bit scary. The borderline illusive narrative that lingers in this film dissipates after it's realized that everyone is just fuckin' insane. Lots of rapey-ness too. Ohhh, how they rape. Butt raping, pig raping, suggestive cow and dog raping. The gratuitous sex crimes wore on me, especially the manner in which it's presented. Calling the male victim a bitch, beating him bloody, shaving his head, crucifying him, et-fucking-cetera. It's all about humility and shock. I've seen these kinds of images before in film and it got me thinking about rape as a plot device in horror movies. When I was younger I had more of a unphasable curiosity about such visions of suffering. I could definitely attest to my skin being much thicker in my late teens. Now when see these visuals I feel a combination of boredom and revulsion. I need more than just grotesque imagery to appease my horror fandom. I do enjoy storytelling, character development and a little bit of finesse. This isn't about budget, lord knows I've fallen in love with many 'a zero budget movie. This is about content. Calvaire is completely insubstantial and is a good representation of what I don't like about most modern horror. To my personal taste suspense is what controls the terror I might feel watching a horror movie. This trendy international lackluster snuff fad is hopefully a passing one. Perhaps it satisfies other cinepheliacs blood lust but as for me I'll stick to my regularly scheduled programming of films forgotten by time.

After Calvaire I needed something drastically uplifting to wash the taste of dried blood and asshole out of my mouth, so I went with the most redorkulous movie in reaching distance, Supervan! It's a title I've come across many times in my b-movie wanderings but when I saw the cover at Amoeba a few weeks ago it hit me in a different way. I took time to study the creation itself. It's beautiful physique. It may just be the most amazing  vehicle I've ever seen. I decided I was in love with it and that I had to leave my husband and cats and marry it. Yes, that's the power of Supervan. So I purchased it on the spot and as fate would have it a few days later a shitty torture porn movie would put me in a bad mood and my soul mate, Supervan, would be waiting on the shelf to comfort me in my time of need.

The story follows a guy who's going to enter his souped up van in a contest called "the Van Freakout of 1976", which is basically a love-in with  cool vans and a brief cameo by Charles Bukowski as a wet t-shirt contest judge. While saving a young woman from being raped by bikers, his van gets trashed in a junkyard. Thankfully he has a scientist/inventor friend who's created the Supervan! It "takes on all comers...laser blasting...solar powered...WATCH OUT!". The plot's a little runny, I found myself not really interested in the characters. It's obviously rip-off of Smokey and the Bandit only with vans and no Jerry Reed (which I tend to think helps most movies). Nothing else really matters in this movie except the Supervan. That's the real star here. I'm fascinated with the whole Van culture of the 70's. I've never been into cars at all and (normal) vans always seemed kind of lame. With movies like this, and of course The Van, not to mention a random plethora of 70's drive-in classics that feature tricked out vans I'm starting to see the appeal. At the end of the movie we're treated to a showcase of all the cool airbushed and muraled artwork on the vans from the contest, but you can be sure nothing can top the chic sci-fi wonder-mobile that is Supervan.

Supervan with it's real life inventor George Barris

I know what you're thinking "but Scumbalina, why haven't you been watching any Gary Busey movies?". Never you worry my dears, I saved the best for last. The 1988 action packed classssssssssic Bulletproof.

He may be Bulletproof, but he's not love proof. Busey plays Frank McBain, a tough cop who earned his nickname from having taken 50-something shots in his career. He even keeps the bullets as souvenirs. He's given a top secret assignment to rescue a Supertank (litterally, the tank version of Supervan, this cinematic synchronicity is nothing short of kismet). It's SUPER spectacular, indestructible, impenetrable and infinitely unfuckwithable. An added bonus is that his militant GI Jane ex-girlfriend has been abducted by the terrorist bad dudes as well. Henry Silva leads this incendiary mission of world domination via Supertank high jackery. He plays a stereotypical bad-guy Muslim who unrelentingly rapes insubordinant women in the name of Allah. We get to see Gary Busey coming out ahead in all kinds of situations despite his general ineptitude. In all of his radiant awkwardness we get to see him crotch dive onto Danny Trejo from a rafter and also spinning down a hill on what appears to be an oversized cable roller. If you're not convinced that this is one of the 80's best accomplishments then you just need to get your priorities straight, Butthorn.

On that note, I'm spent. That was a mouth, er...handful, eh, butthorn-ful. I'm going to go dream of Supervan and Busey-isms. Stay cool.