Dumptober Part 1: Garbage Cinema

I really intended to have written more reviews by now. October is always overflowing with activities and yet I feel just as motivated to suffocate myself in the warm embrace of cinema. My goal was to continue watching horror movies, review the ones that stood out every few days or so, then dump the rest in one mini-review style entry. That's what this is turning out to be only it's covering pretty much the entire month. Despite my lack of updating I've watched a whopping 41 movies this month, not including dozens of silent shorts. I got kind of side tracked by a video project I did for a pop-up speakeasy called Sip Saturdays. I created a mash-up of silent experimental and horror clips. It was such a blast and forced me to finally watch lot of films that I've had on the back burner for years and also revisit some beloved favorites. But I'll come back to that...

The beginning of the month was filled with mostly underwhelming random movies I've had sitting around forever. I decided to just submit myself to them, this stacked against my Silent marathon made for a unique cleansing experience. The first horror movie I watched this month was Grave Encounters, which has firmly secured it's spot in the bottom five. But nothing could compete with the spectacle of suckery that the Slender Man achieves. One of the worst found footage horror movies I've ever seen (up there with Paranormal Effect, which I'm still recovering from). A total waste of moderately-interesting source material, because, let's face it. Eventually SOMEONE was going to make a Slender Man movie. If you want to see it, it's on youtube. I won't promote it by offering the link, you've been warned.

To fuel my already somewhat disappointing October, I decided to go see Annabelle. Partially because I wanted to see SOMETHING (anything really) horror related at the theater, but mostly because I'm a sucker. To be fair, it wasn't awful but it was far from remarkable. It shamelessly rip-offs Rosemary's Baby and the ending is totally worthless, but somehow Slender Man had lowered the bar so much I experienced some mild enjoyment.

The second week of October was dedicated to shot on video or direct to video demi-classics. Things I really should have gotten around to before my 29th year on this earth. Let's start from the top...


1. Rocktober Blood (1984)

Something that's been on my list for a VERY long time. The rock n' roll themed horror movies of the 80's belong to an exclusive league of cool that is uniquely it's own. After seeing Hard Rock Zombies, Rock n' Roll Nightmare and of course the holy grail of the genre, Slumber Party Massacre 2, knew there was more to this. Rocktober Blood entered my peripheral vision in my youth and yet it has somehow evaded me until now. I don't hold it in as high esteem as the latter but with lines like "I want your hot, steaming pussy blood all over my face" it's deserving of being in the hierarchy amongst it's peers.

2. Bloodsucking Pharaohs in Pittsburgh (1991)

I enjoyed this as I was watching it but in retrospect, I remember almost nothing and it's only been two weeks. I liked the frazzled smoking wife and an Egyptian slant on any movie always makes it better. A bit too intentionally campy. I'm also not a huge fan of the cops-trying-to-solve-the-murder yarn. Unless it's Blood Feast, which Bloodsucking Pharaohs is obviously influenced by, A few interesting murder sequences but nothing to write home about. Honestly, nothing really to write in your blog about either. It's fair at best. Acceptable Halloween fodder but not worth going out of your way for.

3. Haunted-Ween (1991)

I don't really know what to say about Haunted-ween. It was a visual interpretation of the term "in one ear, out the other". It had a few moments that were simply OK, but I think this movie is the strongest example of mediocrity this Halloween season. A fraternity throws a Halloween party at a local abandoned haunted house (as in a haunted house themed attraction, not  an ACTUAL haunted house). It had been previously owned by a family that hosted the event every year until the youngest member, impaled and killed a girl. I'm sure you can guess where the story goes. The party materializes, murdering unfolds. The only memorable scene is the Grand Guignol inspired final act. Everyone THINKS they're watching a realistic Blood Sucking Freaks-esque murder show, while they're actually witnessing the crimes. Has some regional Kentucky fried charm, but missed the mark for me personally. The best thing about about the movie is that it's called Haunted-Ween, which will forever make me think of a haunted penis.

4. Demon Dolls (1993)

I had every reason to hate Demon Dolls. It's too long, aimlessly meanders, stars a cast of non-actors who I mostly want to punch in the face, possibly the most amateur of all the movies I watched this month and I hate that fucking puppet. I generally love doll related horror movies. Make it a clown doll? I'm in! THIS particular doll pisses me off. It just looks like shit. The first half of this movie had me cross-armed and flat-faced. I was so ready to hate Demon Dolls. I decided to turn it off for the night and go to bed early. The next day, I just wanted to get it over with so I could forget it. I made my coffee and aimed to have it as background noise to my morning routine. Then, something happened in the second half. It got kind of weird. Suddenly it became a Videodrome influenced inter-dimensional love story between the main character (Todd Jason Cook, also the director) and his girlfriend (played by his real-life wife, Lisa Cook, who he would put in a number of his movies). It toyed with some experimental imagery and effects. I got the sense that these two were just messing around in their house and having fun with it. Which I kind of like. Something about it was actually kind of sweet and having taken such an unusual turn I can't totally dismiss Demon Dolls. Also, looking around his room, the dude is clearly obsessed with Horror culture. It's plastered with posters top to bottom, then he shamelessly plugs a previous film of his. It's all very charming and home spun. I felt like I knew these kids. Won me over in the end.

5. 555 (1988)

Oh dear. Where to begin. 555 has a reputation of being some kind of staple in a VHS collection. Out of print for so many years and with such an attractive cover, it was sought out by many. As a casual  collector (meaning I'm cheap. I won't spend exorbitant amounts of money on anything - vhs, dvd, books, records, wax cylinders, weasel fetus', whatever.), it never seemed pressing enough to spend the collector price to check out this movie. I waited; and while I felt it was a blight on my track record,  but now I'm glad. You see, 555 sucks. Don't listen to anyone else, listen to me. It sucks. That's it. End of discussion. Not in a cute, redeeming way like Demon Dolls. There's no passable pay-off like at the end of Haunted-Ween. It doesn't have a rock band or campy Egyptian culture. It DOES share that cops-talking-too-much yarn I mentioned earlier. That's all this is. Let's just TALK about murders for an hour and call it a horror movie. There are maybe five minutes of underwhelming horror sequences including the cover image that Wally Koz is so fucking proud of. What a jip. I can't imagine having spent any number of dollars on this and not feeling ripped off. I already feel ripped off and I spent nothing. Hugely disappointed. I would be remiss not to mention the slutty middle aged journalist. She needs to be acknowledged simply because they tried to sell that sexuality to we; the audience. I cannot. No primary characters in this film are more than a decade below geriatric. Don't let anyone fool you. 555 sucks.

This has been the year of 2 1/2 - 3 star ratings. Most of which I didn't hate but there have only been a few that I truly love. I rewatched some classics, notably Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. I say notably because it leads into my silent period, a breath of fresh air after the 555's of the world have inflicted their insubstantial garbage waves into my noggin.  As far as the rest of my silent excavations go, I have SO much to say, I've decided to reserve it for a second entry. And there are still a few films I've promised myself to dedicate full entries to because they deserve obsessive VLC screen grab treatment. A few notable movies I probably won't have time to cover include Death Laid an Egg, Die Die My Darling, I Drink Your Blood, Nightmare Beach, Absurd and the Death Nurse films. The latter I DO plan on covering some time in the future in a big Nick Millard tribute I'm tentatively planning. But I don't know why I'm tell you all of this right now, see you in part 2!

Feng Shui (2004)

Something about Feng Shui jumped out at me. The cover isn't that enticing but lately I've been trying to dig a little deeper to find interesting lesser known contemporary Asian horror movies and  stumbled upon this moderately successful Pinoy flick from 2004. Now, I don't claim to be an expert on Filipino cinema. In fact, quite the opposite. I've seen no more than I could count on both hands and that's mostly limited to the goofy cult comedies of Joey De Leon. Modern and straight forward is just not on my radar but with reviews comparing it to a Filipino Ju-On, I knew I had to make it a priority.

Kris Aquino plays Joy Ramirez, loving wife and mother who's doing her best to help her family adjust to life in a new house. One day she's taking the long commute home from work when a man on the bus leaves something behind, she chases after him  to return it but he seems to be purposely avoiding her. She opens the crumpled newspaper to reveal a Chinese Bagua mirror. Traditionally used in Feng Shui to bring good fortune and ward off negative spirits. For those who are unfamiliar, it's the octagon shaped thing on the cover. This one isn't your garden variety Asian dollar store Bagua. It's kind of worn out and clearly an antique. The old lady who works at the bakery tells Joy that it's an unusual one and that she should hang it outside on the door instead of the living space which is traditional.

Within the next few days Joy starts having an amazing good luck streak. She gets a promotion at work and makes a ton of money, same thing happens for her husband, a distant relative dies and she inherits a fortune, she wins a drawing at the supermarket for an entertainment center. Things seem to be going well for Joy and her family until people around her start mysteriously dying. First, the old lady at the bakery, then a security guard in the gated community she lives in, and then another. It doesn't take long for her to realize that it's the Bagua. She tries to write it off as coincidental until the spirits of the dead start hanging out in her house. Literally, just hanging out. She'll be at work and neighbors noticing ghosts just walking around through the windows. They don't do much more than scream at or startle everyone, but when shit starts flying around Poltergeist style Joy knows that something has to be done.

One recent death is reported in the paper and she recognizes the man as the man who originally discarded the Bagua on the bus. Shortly after the curse was transferred to Joy, he was hit and killed by a another bus. Hoping for some answers, she reaches out to his widow who lavishly lives in the most glorious Filipino mansion. The lady doesn't seem fazed by the death that surrounds the bagua but more than anything, she wants it back. She's become addicted to fortune and Joy sees the effect it could have on a weaker person and leaves with no real answers.

At her wits end she visits a Taoist priest who tells her the story of a Chinese Princess who was having her feet bound in that sadistic way that they used to do to women in ancient China, so she'd be delicate and deformed, the way a proper lady should. Wrapped tightly and bound in Iron, they called her "Lotus Feet". One day there was a fire and her family left her behind, she couldn't walk or run so she burned to death, clutching that very Bagua, staring at herself and cursing it's future owners. Whoever looks in the mirror will die at the hand of their own Chinese Zodiac symbol. The man on the bus was born in the year of the rabbit, a bus called the "Rabbit Line" hit him. The old lady at the bakery was born in the year of the rat and died of poisoning from rat urine. This of course doesn't apply to the owner. She or he will have great financial gain as long as they don't mind the people around them dying horribly and being surrounded by their angry spirits. You know, no big deal.

This images reminds me of the 1981 HK horror movie The Imp that I reviewed last Schlocktober.

Elements of Feng Shui were a little cheesy. It's kind of a classic Monkey's Paw type of tale, with an Eastern spin of course. What makes the movie so interesting to me isn't necesarily the story, but the general flavor which felt totally new to me.  There was clearly a nice budget and the director, Chito S. Rono has a unique artistic vision. At times reminding me of classic Argento lighting and hearkening to Hong Kong horror masters such ss the Shaw Brothers. Rono creates an atmosphere that is truly unlike any film I've ever seen from any country. Tonally strange, color palette chosen not only creates an other-worldly unease, but a borderline sense of insanity.

I get to look at your awesome Mondrian color blocked house AND I can have this corned beef??

Suddenly the movie became Suspiria in the Suburbs of the Philippines.

A friend compared the house to a "Nightmare Full House", I was thinking similarly that house reminded me of a Halloween episode of the Simpsons.

One of my favorite things about this movie is the director's (or Art director's/designer's/cinematographer's) amazing use of a single color on color. Here you can see both mother and daughter are wearing pink in the pink kitchen which is lit with a pink hue. An unusual choice. 

Kids room is all about the greens and yellows.

Everything is Ochre with eerie neon highlights. Creates an almost apocalyptic feeling of dread.

Kris Aquino is lovely, she looks great in every single frame.

Joy's husband with a derpy look on his face, but there's the color thing again. Orange City, welcome to it.

Feng Shui is by no means ground breaking in terms of story or development. As far as the comparison to Ju-On, I see very little of that aside from a long haired female ghost who happens to be Asian. There are a lot of horror cliches that an american audience would be immune to. However, Stylistically this is one of the coolest horror movies I've seen this whole year. Hence the overkill in screenies. I found myself rewinding and pausing constantly just because I wanted to see what they did. From a technical standpoint Feng Shui is a modern masterpiece.

There are also a ton of quirky moments that will keep this film close to my heart forever...

Yes, son. A "Brown-out".

Remember when she gave the man at the door some Corned Beef about 20 pictures back?

There are few things I love more than SHAMELESS product placement.

I can share one thing though.

One thing I love more than shameless product placement...

Our leading lady getting hit in the head with a, clearly very much made of rubber, "dead" lizard.

I had such a blast watching this movie. It was announced earlier this year that both Chito S. Rono and Kris Aquino would be returning for the upcoming Feng Shui 2! I couldn't be more excited! If it's remotely as colorful and charming I'll be satisfied. This review is more of a love letter to Feng Shui than anything. It's a film that demands it's viewer to LOOK. Almost aggressively "LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT THE COLORS. ARE YOU LOOKING? WHAT ABOUT ALL THIS GREEN? ". This film has spoken to me and it's message is haunted rainbow. A haunted rainbow that reaches from Manila to my heart.

Mr. Boogedy/Bride of Boogedy (1986/1987)

I had a slower start to Schlocktober's festivities than usual. We're having a heat wave here in Southern California and with my air conditioner having seen better days I haven't been spending much time in the apartment. Yesterday however, I wanted to do little else than lounge around my tepid bedroom eating leftover pizza and watching whatever was left-over in the dvd player. I finally got around to two spooktacular kids movies, Mr. Boogedy and Bride of Boogedy.

Mr. Boogedy is about a goofy Dad that sells novelty gags who moves his family into a haunted house in a "creepy" town called Lucifer Falls. They're greeted by their creepy dracula/magician-esque Realtor played by John Astin. He warns them about the house and Lucifer Falls but Dad (played by Richard Masur) is enchanted with the place. Soon after the ghost of Mr. Boogedy, who was an Ebeneezer-like character from colonial times starts to contact the children from the spiritual realm. Ending, anti-climatically at 45 minutes with a very family friendly solution to their ghostly problem.

Perhaps this would resonate with me more if I had some kind of nostalgic ties to it. But even as a  made for tv Disney movie, I naively had expectations that were not met. I do enjoy children's watered down horror movies, especially with a Halloween slant, but sometimes they're just an insult a kid's tolerance for scares. Despite Boogedy's admittedly wicked appearance, unless I were an infant I can't imagine getting any kicks from this flick. It felt like a lesser episode of the Goosebumps series. There's no real progression and we're left with the re-uniting of a ghost boy and his ghost mom. SUCK. I hate nice ghosts. All ghost should be malevolent and evil. Mr. Boogedy is defeated by being sucked into a novelty vacuum cleaner. STOP IT. The best part of Mr. Boogedy was seeing a young Christy Swanson and pre-mullet David Faustino.

Nice ghosts are for PUSSIES.

Bride of Boogedy was slightly more movie-like. Better at times but on the whole, not really. It was more than twice as long. Probably meant to fill a two hour spot with commercials. Kristy Swanson did not reprise her roll.  Replacing her was Tammy Lauren from Wishmaster. This one had a few more entertaining moments and co-starred Eugene Levie as the antagonistic rival novelty salesman. Bride of Boogedy might have been a cute movie if it matched it's predecessor's running time. Since I watched these two back to back, almost hitting 2 1/2 hours of non-stop  Boogedy made me kind of irritible by the end. I may be judging these mid-80's children's movies harshly but I'm generally easy to please in that respect. I can pretty much guarentee that anyone watching this today without the misleading guise of nostalgia would feel the same way.

Mr. Boogedy lookin' a little like Vigo the Carpathian.

This guy's always a ghost. 

I'm hoping my next stint with Disney produced Kid's horror isn't such a bust. Later in the month I'll be reviewing the Worst Witch. Which I've been putting off for way too long.

Until next time!