Gamey Egg Musk

I've always considered myself relatively fearless when it came to food. I've had an interest in cultures outside of my own since I was a little kid. I feel a sense of mystique and wonderment when I see foreign text and Asian characters. This curiosity has taken me from through many phases, primarily always bringing me back to the Orient. Another factor in that is my feeble little hometown which has almost nothing going for it, does have a military base, and where there's a Military base, there LOTS of Asian people, where there are Asian people there are Asian markets. You'll find several hole-in-the-walls here and there in the dingy side of town, but there has always been only one that has me as a regular patron. The Ocean Oriental Market. It's small (though still substantially larger than the said 'holes-in-the-wall') but has had a faithful customer base for years and they really try to cater to all of your Oriental needs. Everything from a particular brand of pickled squid, a variety of spices and sauces from Mongolia to Indonesia and everything (ok, maybe not EVERYTHING) in between. A vast spectrum of Chinese vhs rentals to Vietnamese Cha Cha music. They've aided me when I was sick with holistic medicine and cheered up when I was down with their extensive sweet treats, I usually go for something basic like strawberry Yan Yan or fresh Lychee fruit if it's in season. I've also sustained myself during periods of extreme brokeness by defaulting to the traditional Asian ramen packs. I'm not talking about that shit from your local grocery store that's "chicken", "beef", or "shrimp" flavored. I'm talking about a veritable hodgepodge of rice, wheat or potato noodles coming in all different sizes and textures, with oils, sauce packs and dried vegetable. My favorite is this crab flavored phnompenh styled clear potato noodle soup with these pretty little pink swirly things in them, costing just mere cents more than the domestic crap! I realized today that I've been shopping there for 9 years, closing in on a decade really makes you think! I've made a lot of blind buys over the years, many of which have become apart of my regular consumption, but there have been MANY things that I would sooner commit myself to boring American food
Hell forever than try again. Which brings me to today's experiment...

Century Eggs aka Thousand Year Old Eggs!!!



Ok, so they aren't REALLY a thousand years old, but after trying them you'll swear they are. Apparently it's a way of preserving duck eggs with clay and ash. Though I love duck, I'm no expert on duck eggs. So I'm not sure if they're black anyways or if that is the result of Centurifying them, but as you can see...they .. are .. BLACK! Well actually, they're black to the naked eye. If you hold it up to the light you can see that it's really more of a dark translucent brown. The yolk is a grayish green that just screams "DO NOT EAT!". Did that stop me? Of course not, I cut it in half and promptly put the gelatinous oval monolith mystery in my mouth. Talk about a rude awakening! I can usually choke something down, but that grey yolk was too much even for me. I HAD to spit it out! The best word I can find to describe it is simply "musk", then add the fact that it's an aborted duck fetus. GAMEY EGG MUSK. The texture was different from chicken yolk, smooth like bean paste. Associating it with a duck's body wasn't helping much either. I may be experimental with food but I draw the line at bodily functions, which I suppose technically an all eggs are, but not until I experienced this funky-funky doo-doo, did I think of it that way. But I couldn't waste it! I bought a pack of six and I was having hard time choking down the one. I de-yolked it then had a stroke of genius! Malt vinegar. I'm one of those people who will eat anything pickled and savors the tart goodness, sopping balsamic up with bread or whatever else will hold it. I went through a period where I was cutting up an hard boiled egg and dowsing it with malt vinegar as a snack. The yolk was a lost cause but the vinegar made the egg-blacks edible. Will I ever buy Century Eggs again? Hell No! But I can cross that off my list of Ocean Oriental Market Curiosities and now I have five new party favors for some unlucky guests who accept my next dinner invitation :-D



ps... as you can see, the shells are all cool and speckled so I think I shall incorporate
them into some kind of crafty endeavor

Schlocktober Top 10!

To make up for my lack of reviewing in October I thought I'd celebrate getting back to my regularly scheduled programming by honoring my neglected tradition of doing monthly top 10 reviews. Back in 2006 I started writing down every movie I watch. Separated by monthly columns I number them and mark them with an asterisk if it's a first-time-view. Out of those first-times-views, I compose a top 10. I list them as best as I can in order of enjoyment, obviously number 1 would be my favorite. This doesn't necessarily mean it's traditionally "the best". I'm an unconventional critic and opinions are relative. So without further adieu, here is my Top 10 for October 2009.



1. Hausu (1977)




If movies had souls, this movie would be my soul mate. This movie brings a new meaning to the phrase "now I've seen EVERYTHING!". When you watch as much as I do you sometimes wonder if you've reached the epitome of weirdness. This movie convinced me that there will always be something else, something that goes above and beyond. Simply put, this is a haunted house movie, but so so much more! The story revolves around seven girls who go to one of their Aunt's house for vacation. The plot is relatively insignificant, immediately bizarre things start to happen and the girl are killed in more and more insane ways. It was made by experimental Japanese director Nobuhiko Obayashi who got his start directing television commercials (if you want to see a really funny example of this, do a youtube search for "Charles Bronson Mandom"). You can really see the influence as the movie itself is one giant, flashy, quick-edited, commercial for total BEDLAM! I read a review where someone said it's as if Beetlejuice were directed by Dario Argento, only it's SO MUCH BETTER! I would sooner compare it to the bastard child of Holy Mountain and the Yokai Monsters: 100 Monsters. This is the kind of movie that makes you wonder why the film industry didn't come to a complete halt because it just doesn't get any better. Describing the movie is nearly impossible, reviewing it is just my tripping over endless compliments. So if you trust me and want to have a visually maddening mind fuck of an experience, find yourself a copy of this life changing movie.



2. What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)


I'm ashamed to say how long I went without seeing this. I'm a big fan of both Joan Crawford and Bette Davis. The movie revolves around two sisters who were formerly in show business. One, a crazed washed up child star (Davis), the other handicapped ex-movie star (Crawford) who's tormented and completely at the mercy of her insane sibling. Victor Buono gave a truly outstanding performance as well. I'm only used to him as King Tut from the Batman series from 1966. Robert Aldrich directed it, he later direct Davis and Buono again in Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte.



3. Testament of Dr. Mabuse (1933)



Finally, my first encounter with the diabolical Dr. Mabuse. Often cited as the first super villain, Mabuse uses his powers of hypnosis and mind control to wreak havoc and destruction from behind padded walls and even beyond the grave. This Fritz Lang classic was the second out of three, but was later followed by many semi-sequels directed by other people. This is considered the last hurrah from German Expressionism.



4. Frenzy (1972)



I always liked him, but lately I've really been diving into Alfred Hitchcock's vast body of work. I recently got a set of his early movies, I also received the Hitchcock/Truffaut book for my birthday. After having seen Family Plot earlier this year (which I quite enjoyed despite it's reputation), I wasn't sure what to expect from this one. A guy is running around raping and strangling women with neckties in London. The guy being framed is down on his luck having just lost his job, apartment and is in an over-all shitty mood. When his ex-wife becomes one of the victims he becomes the prime suspect. It's filled with Hitchcock's quirky sense of humor. I particularly loved the banter between the inspector and his wife as she's serving him these elaborate meals that he hates. Great stuff!




5. the Unknown (1927)



the world silent film is almost completely untouched by me. I'm slowly trying to work my way through the history of film. Silent pictures have always seemed like a big hurdle for me, mainly because I didn't know where to start. In my research I started to become fascinated with Lon Chaney Senior. He was really an amazing person, both of his parents were deaf so he was a natural at acting in a silent film. The Unknown is about an armless knife thrower at a circus who's in love with his lovely assisstant (a very young Joan Crawford), who is afraid of the touch of a man. Naturally they'd be a perfect couple right? Well, as it turns out he really does have arms, he conceals them in a girdle because he's a wanted man and has a strange deformity , two thumbs on one hand! This horror classic just gets weirder and weirder!


6. the Invisible Man (1933)



Not sure why I put off watch this for so long. I probably didn't take into account how much fun it would be to see an invisible person do all sorts of things. Smoking a cigarette, throwing things, acting like a ghost. Claude Rains really made this role his own, considering you never actually see him act! This has easily earned him the title of my favorite Universal Monster!




7. Tales from the Crypt (1972)/ Vault of Horror (1973)



Ok, so they're two different movies. They're based from basically the same comic, they're both Amicus Anthologies, they were made back to back, and they just go together! Plus, I don't think I could choose between them! Tales from the Crypt stars Joan Collins, Ralph Richardson, Roy Dotrice and Peter Cushing. Five people enter a tomb for seemingly unknown reasons and one by one are told their stories by the Crypt Keeper (Ralph Richardson). In Vault of Horror (aka "Further Tales from the Crypt") five men enter an elevator that takes them to the basement where imbibements are ready for them, they get comfortable, eat , drink and slowly begin to tell of their "nightmares", horrible things they've done, or have been done to them. The Terry Thomas episode was really fun and brought some comic relief in. Buy the double disc! See them both!



8. Sisters (1973)



Brian DePalma's homage to Alfred Hitchcock. After a pair of siamese twins are separated, strange things begin to happen. Before the film's release DePalma was using different themes from different Hitchcock movies. Marnie, Rear Window, etc... Until it was suggested to him that he should just get Bernard Hermann to score the film! So he did and it works beautifully. I was really impressed with William Finley in this movie. After seeing him in the Phantom of the Paradise I almost didn't recognize him. In a lot of ways, he steals the show.


9. This Night I Will Possess your Corpse (1967)



Zé do Caixão is up to his old shenanigans again! Still trying to find a woman to bare his evil spawn. I actually liked this second instalment of the Coffin Joe series even more than the first, At Midnight I'll Steal you Soul. With essentially the same plot it's clear that José Mojica Marins had a bigger budget to work with. I enjoyed watching him scare girls with spiders in their beds and ravish the toughest girl amidst the screams of the other girls being bitten by snakes. I felt like the character had more depth in this movie and showed borderline human emotions. The Jigoku-esque nightmare sequence depicting a colorized version of Hell is worth seeing the movie for alone!



10. You'll Find Out (1940)



I've been highly anticipating the release of this Universal horror comedy of the "Spooks Run Wild" variety. The story revolves around Kay Kyser's band, who are playing at a young heiress' birthday party. Several creeps are out to kill the young lady so they can have her inheritance. The villains are played by Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi and Peter Lorre. This is one of the funniest movies of this genre that I have yet to see. Kyser was a surprisingly silly and charming leading man. The gags were great, the music was great, and Peter Lorre was on top of his game! What more could you want? How about a SONOVOX?! Yes, this movie is super cool.



Honorable Mentions:
the Wolf Man (1941), the Devil Doll (1936), the Raven (1963), Calling Dr. Death (1943), the Dark Backward (1991), the Man Who Knew Too Much (1934) [this would have made the top 10 but I bumped it down since it doesn't really fall into the horror genre, just to keep a theme going]



Lon Chaney Jr. (1906-1973)



Though none of his movies made the top 10, I feel that he deserves a
special acknowledgement for being so charismatic in all eight movies I saw him in this month.

Trick or Treat

Here's a Halloween treat for everyone. Zappa's Halloween album. This may only appeal to all you Zappa fans out there, but since it's super rare and I never got around to making the Halloween mix I was planning, I thought I'd offer it anyways. I didn't cut all the tracks, so side A is one track and side B is another. Some kind of run into eachother so it works. Enjoy!




















Son of a Prelude to the Afternoon of a sexually aroused Gas Mask

the Ghost of Halloween past

So, I feel as though I've let another October pass me by! I'm all theory, no execution. That's my problem. I make all of these big plans and either overwhelm myself or just flake out entirely. Although I must say I was pretty good about sticking to my horror marathon. I still have 9 hours or so left of October and so far I've watched 57 movies, only a few slipped through the cracks. For instance, the Invisible Woman, is actually more of a romantic comedy with a gimmick...who knew? Witchfinder General was pretty disappointing, especially considering a lot of people say it's one of Vincent Price's best roles. I actually think that's a pretty insulting statement towards such a fantastic actor. He has some good moments in it, as he does in EVERYTHING, but I can honestly say it's my least favorite Vincent Price movie I've seen so far. It was very dry but violent. That's my least favorite kind of violence. It turned out not to be a horror movie, which is fine, but it was definitely below my expectations.

I've decided to stay in for this Halloween. Last year I said I was going to do that but I ended up doing a really amazing face painting job on myself and at the last minute decided to go show it off. I had been encouraged by the restaurant I worked at to come by for the employee costume contest, threw on an outfit to match my paint job and called myself a luchadore. Not exactly what I had intended but my face looked more like a mask so it worked...

I ended up losing to three really shitty costumes. As my cousin would call them "slutty blanks". You know the type 90% of the female population seems to gravitate towards these gimmicky stripper-esque costumes (slutty fairy, slutty Alice from Alice in Wonderland, Slutty cat girl, slutty zombie, slutty _____ [fill in the blank, get it?]). I have no problem with sluttiness, it's the lack of originality that gets me. I myself was even guilty of the slutty zombie when I was fresh out of high school and had just seen that Japanese movie "Stacy", and in all fairness even with my bout with slutty blank, I hand tore my costume and liquid latex-ed myself from head to toe. But I don't expect a truly fantastic costume to lose to a *shutters* store bought costume. It sort of killed my Halloween spirit. It's not the first time I've lost a contest, and yes, I know winning isn't everything, but that time it really made an impression on me. It said a lot about the kind of costumes people want to see, but more so the kind of place I was working (thank God I ended my tenure at that shithole). It put me in a funk and made me think about my past Halloweens. A lot of amazing costumes I came up with at the last minute with literally NOTHING but some acrylic paint and whatever I pulled out of my closet. But the Halloween's themselves are vague memories due to drunkenness and mayhem. The first Halloween I remember after I stopped trick or treating was the first time I really had a horror movie marathon. I watched all of the Friday the 13th movie on Monster Vision, although now they're really not my favorite, that was a very significant year. I had so much fun by myself eating super buttery popcorn and my grandparents candy for the trick or treaters that never came. After last year's buzz kill and wishing I had stayed home I want to take this year to finish my horror marathon, eat pizza, attempt to carve Peter Lorre's face in a pumpkin and stay sober! Is it lame that I'm excited about this?

Happy Birthday to Bela Lugosi and ME!

Aside from us both being way sexy and also creatures of the night, Mr. Lugosi and I also share our day of birth. Here's the picture of us last birthday, I'm about to open my presents and he's putting the candle on the cake. Oh what fun we had! He'll be 127 today.

other celebrity birthdays today: Jean Pierre Melville, Wanda Jackson, Jelly Roll Morton, Grandpa Jones, Vigo Mortensen and Snoop Dog.
it's a good day to be born.
I'll also be drinking to Burt Lancaster tonight, who died on October 20th 1994. When I was only 9 years old and didn't know how cool he was.
Thinking about posting of my amazing movie-gifts later.

My Mom is Tor Johnson's Mom

I was thinking about "This Night I will Possess Your Corpse" and what an awkward title that is. I mean, it doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. Not to say that it isn't BRILLIANT. Coffin Joe should have made a movie called "Sometime next week I'm thinking about possibly borrowing your nail clippers".

Ok, I think some mini-reviews are in order!














I've been making my rounds through the various untapped video findings I've collected from local thrifts, and finally decided to watch "And Now the Screaming Starts" an Amicus, period piece haunted house-type horror movie. To be honest, I generally don't care for that formula. Possibly why I put off watching it for so long, but in a moment of desperation, this unsung classic really surprised me with it's coolness.

First of all, it stars a bunch of great house names for Amicus and Hammer, such as (big surprise) Peter Cushing, Herbert Lom, Ian Ogilvy, Stephanie Beachman, but most importantly, Patrick Magee, who was also in Tales from the Crypt and Dementia 13, both movies I just happened to watch in the same week! He's haunting my movie marathons and I like it. the plot is ...well, kinda serious. A vengeful ghost haunts a "virgin bride" (pah!) by showing her it's severed "Thing"-hand, and desecrating her womb. Unfortunately they don't show that part, but there's a baby with a nub for a hand, and that's what really matters.



I finally got around to seeing this hilarious "romp" (I guess would be the word?). I have this thing for horror comedies, well, I'm obsessed with Arsenic and Old Lace and I'm always trying to find more movies like it. There really aren't many other movies like it. I've kind of self-titled this kind of horror comedy "Spooks Run Wild" after the East Side Kids movie, how better to sum up the jester-like antics of these classic monsters/characters?


Aside from the fact that Lou Costello whines a lot (I can only take so much) this is a really funny movie, especially the last couple of scenes when Dracula and Wolfman are duking it out, and the uncredited voice cameo of Vincent Price as the Invisible Man makes his ...uh... "appearance" (?)

Straying further and further from the "horror" on this particular day, I ended up watching the Big Cube, which should have been called "The Big Turd" or even just "the Big Disappointment" would have been more fitting. I thought it would be a suspenseful psychedelic mystery-type of thing, ended up coming across more like a big budget propaganda movie. The DANGER of LSD, blah blah blah. Overly dramatic and attempted to come across sincere. I often read about these 60's psychedelic movies being "out-dated", such as one of my all time favorite cult movies, Otto Preminger's "Skidoo". I find it's unnecessary to even attempt and compare the 60's to the present. There are certainly movies that are timeless, but "psychedelic" movies aren't really made anymore. It was fresh in the 60's and I'm usually thrilled to see this moment in time captured in a way even my own psychedelic experiences couldn't approach. What I'm getting at is that as a general rule I love LSD themed movies! THIS MOVIE seems to be the exception! True, the effects were cool, colorful, sparkly, and fun... and so they should be! But the plot was very "meh", and kind of depressing. A spoiled rich girl's father remarries an aging actress (Lana Turner) who both seem to be very much in love. She of course acts bratty and rebels. Meets a young stud (not really though, George Chakiris, better known to me as Bernardo from West Side Story) who's an ex-med student, expelled for making LSD in the lab and selling it to students. After the rich father dies at sea trying to save Lana, Chakiris cooks up a scheme to drive Lana insane by slipping LSD in her pills and playing a tape with haunting suicidal/homicidal recordings on it; in her bedroom to drive her insane. Once she's out of the picture, he can marry the spoiled dumb ass (Karin Mossberg, who didn't do much else, a few Spanish movies) for her money. Her character is what I dislike about this movie the most. She acts completely mean and vindictive just because some guy she hardly knows convinces her that she needs her father's money NOW rather than waiting until she's 25 like the will states. I just can't sympathize with a character like that, yet it's played as if she's a victim as well. The ending doesn't really make any sense either, Chakiris just has a bad trip and Lana and Karin have themselves some step-bonding. Thee End. Whatever.

At this point I realized that I had inadvertently broken my horror-only vow for this month, so I said, "What the hell, time for some Van Damme"...

I was at my mom's house flipping through the channels. This is the only time I get to enjoy, or not enjoy the luxuries of cable. It's hit or miss with those over priced movie channels. For instance, before this gem came on you would have caught me watching Dutch starring Ed O'neal and Ethan Embry when he was 12 and still had a promising acting career, but I digress...

In my universe good and bad are inexplicably linked. For this reason, this may be the greatest movie ever made. The greatest bad movie that is. It almost magically comes full circle from bad to hilarious to "whoever wrote this is a comic GENIUS!". And let's face it, Van Damme has made some stinkers. Wonderfully tacky with his signature side-split and mullet.

For this to have surpassed Double Impact is truly a remarkable achievement.

Do you know what the best part of this movie is? No, not the one liners, not the ABSURD typical 90's action movie plot, not even the amazing fight sequence in the kitchen with a Penguin Mascot (though that one was DAMN close, VAN DAMME CLOSE [sorry]).

The highlight of this movie was of course Mr. Powers Boothe as my new favorite super villain...

At the end you get to see this handsome asshole wearing a really awkward blonde wig and moustache, and his death (not giving much away, this is a Van Damme movie so obviously the bad guy's gotta die) is the most sensational retarded Hollywood crap I've ever seen! I couldn't even believe it was happening.

I'd like to take this opportunity to express my love for this man. After Emerald Forrest, I was hooked. Hopelessly addicted to yet another brilliant underrated actor. And what a name, POWERS BOOTHE, could you think of a more power-ful name?

That's all for now!

Happy Birthday, Edward D. Wood Jr!

Today should be a national holiday to celebrate schlockiness!

Hello-ween!

I should teach a class called "Slacker 101". I am the poster child for procrastination. Why do I say this? The first week of my absolute favorite month of the year has come and gone and here I am, at a loss for words. My Halloween spirit has suffered this year, it suffered a bit last year two, which worries me. I feel like my inner child deeply needs some attention. So naturally I've been digesting ample helpings of horror, sci-fi, thrillers, mysteries, etc. Yet, until today I've let the intimidation if this lovely season overcome me.

So let's talk this thing out.

Florida is HOT. Steamy slimy swampy amphibious fornication of the senses. Have you ever felt like your entire body was an armpit? Have you ever felt like this?

Thankfully with the help of Peter Lorre and Arthur Crabtree I've been able to overcome this defeat.

I'd like to take this opportunity to say that Tony Todd sucks. He's a bad actor and an asshole to boot. I met him once and he wasn't very nice. It took me years to finally get around to watching the shitty Night of the Living Dead remake. Now that that's out of the way, it was quite refreshing to see something I would say is in good taste....

this movie should have been called "the Fainting Woman" considering that every time "the Screaming Skull" makes an appearances, the gal practically collapses on top of it. I'm more fascinated with this than any other aspect of the movie. The whole fainting thing. I love it. In fact, I can't get enough of it. It's just such a cop out? How mentally/physically frail do you have to be to just blackout? I mean, sure, if human remains appeared in my living room I'd have a few questions, and if I were afraid my instinct would be to get away. FAR away. Aren't you sort of at the mercy of whatever , when you faint? I couldn't stop thinking about this after I watched the movie, I talked to a friend about it and she suggested that there's some sort of unexplainable fear of the supernatural attached to the idea of skeletons. A sort of unrest that reminds you of your own mortality. I guess when you think about it that way, I wouldn't feel particularly comfortable around a skeleton, outside of say; a doctor's office. However, I can't break this idea I formed as child that put in one of these horror movie scenarios where I would be confronted with a ghastly skeleton that I couldn't just kick it in the shin and run away. I mean, what's it going to do? Rattle it's bones at ya? Chatter it's teeth a bit? I would think that skeletons sort of the laughing stock of the supernatural world. I digress...

It's good to be back!

Mulatu of Ethiopia

For the past few years I've been developing a keen taste for jazz. Not to say that I didn't always like it, I grew up with a healthy serving of Laurindo Almeida, Jean Luc Ponty and Miles Davis of course from being around my dad, but it wouldn't be until my early twenties that I started fully appreciating the variety that can be found in the genre. The three examples I just gave for instance, their sound couldn't be more different really. As a kid it's hard to listen to instrumental music and really be able to break it down and comprehend the complexity of what you're hearing, which is why most kids don't listen to very complex music.

One of my most memorable jazz memories was the first time I heard Mulatu Astatke. Known as "the Father of Ethio-Jazz" and rightfully so as he truly revolutionized the music industry in Ethiopia. A country that was horribly repressed both socially and culturally, you had to get a license to make a record, put on a play, make a film, and even after that, it had to be approved by censors. It was not an easy place to be for a musician. In fact, the only time that records were being manufactured in Ethiopia was between 1969- 1978. Astatke traveled the world, picked up different styles to combine with his own making this Ethiopian/Latin hybrid.

When you hear Astatke's compositions alot of things come to mind. It makes me think of ancient Egypt yet is incredible modern and hip. He has a unique presence that can never be duplicated. So I'm offering his most famous album, if you havent heard him, I give it my utmost reccomendation.

1. Mulatu
2. Mascaram Setaba
3. Dewel
4. Kulunmanqueleshi
5. Kasalefkut-Hulu
6. Munaye
7. Chifara

Enjoy!

Test Tubeless Babies and Sharkless Gods

I wasn't quite sure what to expect from Test Tube Babies, but I had hoped for perhaps, test tubes, and babies as a result of that. To be honest I guess I expected a sci-fi movie of sorts, and for some reason I mentally associated the term "Test Tube Babies" with "Flipper Babies", only to be disappointed by this slow moving exploitation movie about a young couple whose marriage is on the rocks, so like most naive people, they can only presume that having a child will fix their fucked up relationship. After months of trying they decided to go to a doctor to see what's the hold up, they runs some tests on the wife and find that she is normal, her uterus is perfectly functional, but how could that be? It couldn't be the man who is sterile?? This is the attitude both the husband and wife share. I know that times were different then, and my having an IQ over 90 might have something to do with this, but even as a small child I understood the concept that although different, both women AND men could face a variety of biological complications. Despite the movie itself being quite silly, this idea seems the most absurd to me. The husband goes on to say that his sex life is normal, so how can he be sterile? Should these people really be breeding? Do we really need Mr. and Mrs. Test Tube Baby to spread their seed? Perhaps his being sterile is the universe's way of course correcting itself, but alas, the doctor introduces them to the then-new concept of artificial insemination, which the wife cannot even pronounce! The husband's only worry is that some sperm donor is going to get to have sex with his wife, ha! But aside from that, they're both cool with the idea and the movie ends with them happily being a family with their multiple "test tube babies" expressing endearment towards modern technology. The end. This movie was mind numbing. The couple was just so obnoxious and they're attitude was so nauseating that I think I started to take it a little too seriously, ha! In retrospect, it was fun hating them, and even more fun making fun of them in this review.



Omoo-Omoo the Shark God! I should have known that it sounded too good to be true. I should have known that a low budget movie from 1949 based on a Herman Melville story wouldn't live up to it's title. Indeed, there are no sharks and there are no Gods, just a big lopsided statue and some stock footage of two tigers fighting. I was hoping for something that would resemble a John Huston movie, oh how I set myself up for disappointment. The captain of a ship steals two rare black pearls, the eyes of the shark god statue, falls ill, hides them and leaves. Sets to come back with a ship full of assholes, including his daughter who falls under the same hypnosis of greed for the pearls. In fact, the highlight of this movie is her borderline insane ramblings about how the pearls belong to her. A pretty intense performance from an actress who never really did anything else.To be honest though, this was probably the most disappointing movie from this month's marathon, and the one of the one's I had the highest expectations from! I can tolerate and enjoy many different varieties of "bad", but "BORING" is one element of badness I cannot accept.


These two movies almost set me off of my propaganda movie appetite! Due to this, I decided to set the "cult classics" asside for a few days. I find it easy to burn out if I over do it on a genre, I dont want that to happen so let's explore some different grist in the mill for a few weeks...

Delinquent Escort Child aka "You Can't Tell Me Anything!"

This week for Propaganda month I watched a few trashy sex "dramas", starting with the JD Classic "Delinquent Daughters". This being one of my personal favorite sub-genre's of exploitation I was excited to see this 1944 low budget pooper. It starts out with a bunch of cops investigating the suicide of a local teenage girl at her high school, there's a "bad girl" (there always has to be one) named Sally (played by Teala Loring, a pretty Rita Hayworth-ish actress who like so many others was doomed to play bit roles in movies like this and "Return of the Ape Man", she was also uncredited as a telephone operator in "Double Indemnity") who convinces her girl friend's to act "casual" by actually seeming overly guilty for some reason. As it turns out, the last place the girl was seen was the local teen hang out, which is really a cover for all kinds of illegal activities, run by a typical movie jerk/villain type named Nick Gordon (played by Jon Dawson who was also in...nothing worth mentioning) who made a career out of getting teenagers to carry out his various crimes. The movie started out pretty interesting, they're hangout spot was neat and I love seeing teenagers in the past, or at least Hollywood's perception of teenagers. The story starts to lose you somewhere around the middle when there's about 20 minutes of exposition filmed outside with literally NO LIGHTING, you're looking at blackness and listening to pointless dialogue. After that you get to see the local judge reprimand all of the teenager's parents for not taking responsibility for their kids. The highlight of the film is when our female protagonist June (who's quite boring unmemorable as a character and an actress) comes home late to find her comically angry/abusive father waiting up for her "what a nice daughter you've turned out to be!" *slaps her in the face* "but daddy let me explain!" "you can't explain", "but daddy let me tell you" "you can't tell me anything" HA! The classic words of a shitty parent in a 1940's juvenile delinquency film. Another interesting piece of trivia is that Teala Loring recently (within the past few years) died in a car accident, which her character did in the movie, OOPS...gave away the ending. Who cares?



The second bill on the triple feature is the long forgotten "Escort Girl". The story of a woman trying to hide the fact that she runs an escort service from her bratty, ungrateful daughter who just happens to be engaged to the undercover lawyer who's investigating the underground bureau. This movie is fairly decent despite it's only big flaw, that being how terribly choppy it is. Not sure if it was a damaged print or if it was cut for time, but the film cuts scenes sometimes right in the middle of crucial dialogue. It can be very frustrating as I was actually interested in the plot! The highlight of the movie is the pointless strip tease in the middle of the film, totally caught me off guard! Seeing the hookers have girl talk in their dressing room seemed more cute than sleazy, but of course, they're actresses, not real prostitutes. I wasn't satisfied with the ending, and thought it was very shitty that the daughter was so insensitive to her hard working mother's situation, but whatever. It's just a movie, a pretty bad one too. With propaganda such as this, good and bad are in as high a contrast as the resolution of the shitty print.




The final film in the triple feature was the sleaziest and most enjoyable. "Child Bride" from 1938 starring... who cares? What makes exploitation movies of this caliber so much fun is that we can usually relate in some way. Maybe not to the later exploitation films of the 70's where actors like Rudy Ray Moore takes on three rednecks then tumbles from a cliff buck naked. These early propaganda movies usually dealing with marijuana, alcohol, sex, teenage rebellion. These things are fairly typical in movies and our own experiences in general, making these films laughable. The thought of applying them to your own life is even more laughable. Child Bride stands apart from this. Both offensive, tacky and bizarre, it's hard to believe there was a time that marrying children was acceptable. Of course it was never women marrying boys, just creepy old honkies lusting after 10, 11, 12 year old girls. The creep in this movie is especially villainous, he kills the girl's father and blackmail's the mother (threatening to frame her for the murder) so he can have her nubile daughter for keeps. Had the movie not been so over the top, it may have actually disturbed me. Not to be so naive as to think this kind of thing didn't go on (well into the 50's and 60's even *ahem* Jerry Lee Lewis), but thinking of it in terms as a serious social issue is what's really disturbing. Which made it all the more entertaining! I give it my utmost recommendation, if you're into that sort of thing. "That sort of thing" being creepy, tasteless, out-dated garbage!

Frankenstein Radio Controls Bonus Disc

When I was working on the mix, I realized I had too much to fit on one disc. I tried to keep the first disc relatively mild, whatever that means. So I threw all of the film music, odds and ends on the second. The second track I transferred directly from the movie because I'm obsessed with it, and Marilyn Monroe (impersonator) plays saxophone on the roof of a building, an image I have a hard time getting out of my head. I ended the mix with what I consider to be one of the best tracks in our entire collection, also where I got the title. So if you're curious, and I know you are, download my completely free, completely copyright infringing, completely compiled by ME...mix.





















THE SECRET TO SAVE THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE

Frankenstein Radio Controls vol.1

A few weeks ago I was making myself a house cleaning mix. A necessary task if I plan on actually getting anything done. After a bit of editing, I decided that it was worthy of public distribution. It's basically just a hodge podge of what I've been listening to lately. If anyone has any questions about where I got certain tracks feel free to ask.

I even made you all a front and back cover!

fuck you if you don't like my hat!

Propaganda Fest Part 1

I've decided to dedicate this month to drugsploitation and juvenile delinquency films. I've been sitting on a hoard of these for quite some time and in attempt to keep my hands off the horror movies until next month, these fiendishly silly exploits should keep me tide over. I started with Reefer Madness which I surprisingly held off this long without seeing. Upon finally having watched it, my prior disinterest was validified. In fact, it was probably the least entertaining of the triple feature. Although it is certainly entertaining watching kids take one puff of pot and start acting like it was laced with crack, heroin and lsd. Overall it was a bit boring and probably would have been more entertaining had I actually been high, which from what I've gathered from this film's fan base is exclusively how it should be viewed. How delightfully ironic and self defeating!

Which brings me to the second bill on the triple feature, Marihuana: the Devil's Weed! This one was less about Marihuana, more about avoiding bad guys with villainous moustaches. A group of carefree teens party at a dope peddler's house, the girl's decide to go skinny dipping (you see nipple! 1930's nipple!) one of the girl's drowns, because you know, you're supposed to wait 30 minutes after smoking marihuana. This event sparks a series of misfortunes for our female protagonists , somehow this is directly related to her leaving home, living in sin with her boyfriend, getting knocked up, him becoming a gangster thug to try and support her and her unborn child and getting himself killed in the process, she has her baby, gives it up for adoption and becomes a drug dealer. Actually, what made this movie different from the others I watched is that it actually was kind of depressing, completely unrealistic, but still just really negative and trashy. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, I guess that's what they were going for and probably achieved it more so than the others.

The final film in my triple feature was the most difficult to find the poster for. I watched it under the title "Marijuana Menace" , which I had never heard of, come to find out the reason is because it's more commonly known as "Assassin of Youth". Despite all three films being somewhat slow at times, this one kept me smiling through out the majority of the film. What makes this drugsploitation flick different from the others are it's great characters. Aside from the infamous piano playing Ralph (Dave O'brien) from Reefer Madness (who simply was NOT given enough screen time) and the moustache man from Marihuana none of the characters are very memorable. In Assassin of Youth, the bad kids are comically bad. Particularly in the opening scene when Ms. Frisbee (that's right, FRISBEE) falls off her bike and a group of teenagers cackle at her injury, HA! This set the tone for the whole movie. Ms. Frisbee was played by an actress named Fern Emmett, who looked like a cross between Margaret Hamilton and John Turturro. I enjoyed her so much as the gossiping small town spinster that I had to look her up and see what else she was in, I was surprised and impressed by her body of work. She was in over 200 low budget movies between 1930 and her death in 1946, making her a hero in my eyes! I'm making a special effort to see her 1939 film "Romance of the Potato", which is a contender for the most amazing title of all time.

I also really enjoyed Faye McKenzie who played Linda Clayton, the bad girl. Though maybe not the greatest actress to grace the silver screen, she embodied the essence of what the role needed, and really knew how to work that pretty face. I think the movie would have been better if it had just been Linda Clayton and Ms. Frisbee hurling insults at each other.

Alas, these are propaganda films. I think I deserve some kind of award for sitting through all three of these movies stone sober. Oh well...

a touch of shlock in the night

Last night while scuffling through stacks of various vhs I've accumulated I came across this Roger Corman classic. I had not seen it and figured it would be easy to digest, so decided to go with it. I completely fell in love with this movie. It was the 60's b-movie science dialogue that captivated my attention, the "what if" scenarios that would never be passible today. "what if we could see BEYOND...."

The reason the plot of this movie works so well is it's child like wonderment. It's as if the writer thought about all of his boyish fantasies of having x-ray vision and put it all this amazing movie. Everything from seeing through women's clothes, to cheating at black jack. Naturally, a power such as this comes with consequences and despite the film being 45 years old and having a B-movie status these consequences come across as being very frightening and at times even shocking. I had not antcipated to feel this way towards this movie, yet the climax had me on pins and needles with my jaw gaping open! I can't promise everyone else will have this same reaction, as I myself tend to have a child like wonderment. One thing that can be said without a doubt is that this is a beautifully executed film from all angles. From the Academy Award winning talents of Ray Milland to the trick photography (when the girl falls off the ferris wheel and it appears that she's lying in a pool of her own blood, but it's actually her scarf. Very clever! fooled me), this film did the impossible; replaced Bucket of Blood as my favorite Corman movie!

This movie has it all, horror, science, action, sexiness, charm, and of course, Dick Miller.

with these GIANT plaid hands of mine...

So I've finally made the leap. Ok, so maybe it's not the first time. I love to blog. It really all started when I was about 16 with xanga...WHOA! I'm almost curious to reread some of those old blogs, but it would probably be embarassing beyond words, if they're even still there. Then a brief stint with live journal/dead journal...weird. Those were both a flash in the pan. Then myspace came along and it seemed to offer a bit of everything. My myspace blogs go back to 2004 which puts me in the 12th grade, many of these I've become quite attached to. But let's face it, myspace has gone downhill. It's one giant advertisement.

At any rate, I've always admired blogger from afar.













consider this blog christened...