Trick or Treat

Here's a Halloween treat for everyone. Zappa's Halloween album. This may only appeal to all you Zappa fans out there, but since it's super rare and I never got around to making the Halloween mix I was planning, I thought I'd offer it anyways. I didn't cut all the tracks, so side A is one track and side B is another. Some kind of run into eachother so it works. Enjoy!




















Son of a Prelude to the Afternoon of a sexually aroused Gas Mask

the Ghost of Halloween past

So, I feel as though I've let another October pass me by! I'm all theory, no execution. That's my problem. I make all of these big plans and either overwhelm myself or just flake out entirely. Although I must say I was pretty good about sticking to my horror marathon. I still have 9 hours or so left of October and so far I've watched 57 movies, only a few slipped through the cracks. For instance, the Invisible Woman, is actually more of a romantic comedy with a gimmick...who knew? Witchfinder General was pretty disappointing, especially considering a lot of people say it's one of Vincent Price's best roles. I actually think that's a pretty insulting statement towards such a fantastic actor. He has some good moments in it, as he does in EVERYTHING, but I can honestly say it's my least favorite Vincent Price movie I've seen so far. It was very dry but violent. That's my least favorite kind of violence. It turned out not to be a horror movie, which is fine, but it was definitely below my expectations.

I've decided to stay in for this Halloween. Last year I said I was going to do that but I ended up doing a really amazing face painting job on myself and at the last minute decided to go show it off. I had been encouraged by the restaurant I worked at to come by for the employee costume contest, threw on an outfit to match my paint job and called myself a luchadore. Not exactly what I had intended but my face looked more like a mask so it worked...

I ended up losing to three really shitty costumes. As my cousin would call them "slutty blanks". You know the type 90% of the female population seems to gravitate towards these gimmicky stripper-esque costumes (slutty fairy, slutty Alice from Alice in Wonderland, Slutty cat girl, slutty zombie, slutty _____ [fill in the blank, get it?]). I have no problem with sluttiness, it's the lack of originality that gets me. I myself was even guilty of the slutty zombie when I was fresh out of high school and had just seen that Japanese movie "Stacy", and in all fairness even with my bout with slutty blank, I hand tore my costume and liquid latex-ed myself from head to toe. But I don't expect a truly fantastic costume to lose to a *shutters* store bought costume. It sort of killed my Halloween spirit. It's not the first time I've lost a contest, and yes, I know winning isn't everything, but that time it really made an impression on me. It said a lot about the kind of costumes people want to see, but more so the kind of place I was working (thank God I ended my tenure at that shithole). It put me in a funk and made me think about my past Halloweens. A lot of amazing costumes I came up with at the last minute with literally NOTHING but some acrylic paint and whatever I pulled out of my closet. But the Halloween's themselves are vague memories due to drunkenness and mayhem. The first Halloween I remember after I stopped trick or treating was the first time I really had a horror movie marathon. I watched all of the Friday the 13th movie on Monster Vision, although now they're really not my favorite, that was a very significant year. I had so much fun by myself eating super buttery popcorn and my grandparents candy for the trick or treaters that never came. After last year's buzz kill and wishing I had stayed home I want to take this year to finish my horror marathon, eat pizza, attempt to carve Peter Lorre's face in a pumpkin and stay sober! Is it lame that I'm excited about this?

Happy Birthday to Bela Lugosi and ME!

Aside from us both being way sexy and also creatures of the night, Mr. Lugosi and I also share our day of birth. Here's the picture of us last birthday, I'm about to open my presents and he's putting the candle on the cake. Oh what fun we had! He'll be 127 today.

other celebrity birthdays today: Jean Pierre Melville, Wanda Jackson, Jelly Roll Morton, Grandpa Jones, Vigo Mortensen and Snoop Dog.
it's a good day to be born.
I'll also be drinking to Burt Lancaster tonight, who died on October 20th 1994. When I was only 9 years old and didn't know how cool he was.
Thinking about posting of my amazing movie-gifts later.

My Mom is Tor Johnson's Mom

I was thinking about "This Night I will Possess Your Corpse" and what an awkward title that is. I mean, it doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. Not to say that it isn't BRILLIANT. Coffin Joe should have made a movie called "Sometime next week I'm thinking about possibly borrowing your nail clippers".

Ok, I think some mini-reviews are in order!














I've been making my rounds through the various untapped video findings I've collected from local thrifts, and finally decided to watch "And Now the Screaming Starts" an Amicus, period piece haunted house-type horror movie. To be honest, I generally don't care for that formula. Possibly why I put off watching it for so long, but in a moment of desperation, this unsung classic really surprised me with it's coolness.

First of all, it stars a bunch of great house names for Amicus and Hammer, such as (big surprise) Peter Cushing, Herbert Lom, Ian Ogilvy, Stephanie Beachman, but most importantly, Patrick Magee, who was also in Tales from the Crypt and Dementia 13, both movies I just happened to watch in the same week! He's haunting my movie marathons and I like it. the plot is ...well, kinda serious. A vengeful ghost haunts a "virgin bride" (pah!) by showing her it's severed "Thing"-hand, and desecrating her womb. Unfortunately they don't show that part, but there's a baby with a nub for a hand, and that's what really matters.



I finally got around to seeing this hilarious "romp" (I guess would be the word?). I have this thing for horror comedies, well, I'm obsessed with Arsenic and Old Lace and I'm always trying to find more movies like it. There really aren't many other movies like it. I've kind of self-titled this kind of horror comedy "Spooks Run Wild" after the East Side Kids movie, how better to sum up the jester-like antics of these classic monsters/characters?


Aside from the fact that Lou Costello whines a lot (I can only take so much) this is a really funny movie, especially the last couple of scenes when Dracula and Wolfman are duking it out, and the uncredited voice cameo of Vincent Price as the Invisible Man makes his ...uh... "appearance" (?)

Straying further and further from the "horror" on this particular day, I ended up watching the Big Cube, which should have been called "The Big Turd" or even just "the Big Disappointment" would have been more fitting. I thought it would be a suspenseful psychedelic mystery-type of thing, ended up coming across more like a big budget propaganda movie. The DANGER of LSD, blah blah blah. Overly dramatic and attempted to come across sincere. I often read about these 60's psychedelic movies being "out-dated", such as one of my all time favorite cult movies, Otto Preminger's "Skidoo". I find it's unnecessary to even attempt and compare the 60's to the present. There are certainly movies that are timeless, but "psychedelic" movies aren't really made anymore. It was fresh in the 60's and I'm usually thrilled to see this moment in time captured in a way even my own psychedelic experiences couldn't approach. What I'm getting at is that as a general rule I love LSD themed movies! THIS MOVIE seems to be the exception! True, the effects were cool, colorful, sparkly, and fun... and so they should be! But the plot was very "meh", and kind of depressing. A spoiled rich girl's father remarries an aging actress (Lana Turner) who both seem to be very much in love. She of course acts bratty and rebels. Meets a young stud (not really though, George Chakiris, better known to me as Bernardo from West Side Story) who's an ex-med student, expelled for making LSD in the lab and selling it to students. After the rich father dies at sea trying to save Lana, Chakiris cooks up a scheme to drive Lana insane by slipping LSD in her pills and playing a tape with haunting suicidal/homicidal recordings on it; in her bedroom to drive her insane. Once she's out of the picture, he can marry the spoiled dumb ass (Karin Mossberg, who didn't do much else, a few Spanish movies) for her money. Her character is what I dislike about this movie the most. She acts completely mean and vindictive just because some guy she hardly knows convinces her that she needs her father's money NOW rather than waiting until she's 25 like the will states. I just can't sympathize with a character like that, yet it's played as if she's a victim as well. The ending doesn't really make any sense either, Chakiris just has a bad trip and Lana and Karin have themselves some step-bonding. Thee End. Whatever.

At this point I realized that I had inadvertently broken my horror-only vow for this month, so I said, "What the hell, time for some Van Damme"...

I was at my mom's house flipping through the channels. This is the only time I get to enjoy, or not enjoy the luxuries of cable. It's hit or miss with those over priced movie channels. For instance, before this gem came on you would have caught me watching Dutch starring Ed O'neal and Ethan Embry when he was 12 and still had a promising acting career, but I digress...

In my universe good and bad are inexplicably linked. For this reason, this may be the greatest movie ever made. The greatest bad movie that is. It almost magically comes full circle from bad to hilarious to "whoever wrote this is a comic GENIUS!". And let's face it, Van Damme has made some stinkers. Wonderfully tacky with his signature side-split and mullet.

For this to have surpassed Double Impact is truly a remarkable achievement.

Do you know what the best part of this movie is? No, not the one liners, not the ABSURD typical 90's action movie plot, not even the amazing fight sequence in the kitchen with a Penguin Mascot (though that one was DAMN close, VAN DAMME CLOSE [sorry]).

The highlight of this movie was of course Mr. Powers Boothe as my new favorite super villain...

At the end you get to see this handsome asshole wearing a really awkward blonde wig and moustache, and his death (not giving much away, this is a Van Damme movie so obviously the bad guy's gotta die) is the most sensational retarded Hollywood crap I've ever seen! I couldn't even believe it was happening.

I'd like to take this opportunity to express my love for this man. After Emerald Forrest, I was hooked. Hopelessly addicted to yet another brilliant underrated actor. And what a name, POWERS BOOTHE, could you think of a more power-ful name?

That's all for now!

Happy Birthday, Edward D. Wood Jr!

Today should be a national holiday to celebrate schlockiness!

Hello-ween!

I should teach a class called "Slacker 101". I am the poster child for procrastination. Why do I say this? The first week of my absolute favorite month of the year has come and gone and here I am, at a loss for words. My Halloween spirit has suffered this year, it suffered a bit last year two, which worries me. I feel like my inner child deeply needs some attention. So naturally I've been digesting ample helpings of horror, sci-fi, thrillers, mysteries, etc. Yet, until today I've let the intimidation if this lovely season overcome me.

So let's talk this thing out.

Florida is HOT. Steamy slimy swampy amphibious fornication of the senses. Have you ever felt like your entire body was an armpit? Have you ever felt like this?

Thankfully with the help of Peter Lorre and Arthur Crabtree I've been able to overcome this defeat.

I'd like to take this opportunity to say that Tony Todd sucks. He's a bad actor and an asshole to boot. I met him once and he wasn't very nice. It took me years to finally get around to watching the shitty Night of the Living Dead remake. Now that that's out of the way, it was quite refreshing to see something I would say is in good taste....

this movie should have been called "the Fainting Woman" considering that every time "the Screaming Skull" makes an appearances, the gal practically collapses on top of it. I'm more fascinated with this than any other aspect of the movie. The whole fainting thing. I love it. In fact, I can't get enough of it. It's just such a cop out? How mentally/physically frail do you have to be to just blackout? I mean, sure, if human remains appeared in my living room I'd have a few questions, and if I were afraid my instinct would be to get away. FAR away. Aren't you sort of at the mercy of whatever , when you faint? I couldn't stop thinking about this after I watched the movie, I talked to a friend about it and she suggested that there's some sort of unexplainable fear of the supernatural attached to the idea of skeletons. A sort of unrest that reminds you of your own mortality. I guess when you think about it that way, I wouldn't feel particularly comfortable around a skeleton, outside of say; a doctor's office. However, I can't break this idea I formed as child that put in one of these horror movie scenarios where I would be confronted with a ghastly skeleton that I couldn't just kick it in the shin and run away. I mean, what's it going to do? Rattle it's bones at ya? Chatter it's teeth a bit? I would think that skeletons sort of the laughing stock of the supernatural world. I digress...

It's good to be back!