Tampon Tango drew my attention because it seemed like it wasn't sure what it wanted to be. It appears to be very film-like but then of course there is real sex. Coming from Japan it could very well be a substantial cult film and also features weeners and vaginas uniting. It immediately breaks the fourth wall by joyously announcing that it's a porno and panning out to see very harmless-looking public sex. Very non-invasive and innocent. Almost fake looking. I immediately thought "well if that's as bad as it gets, this will be a breeze". As the film progresses the only information that's really given is that they will be inserting tampons because "it's never been done before". Then there's THAT scene and it's as expected. Totally un-porn-like, almost instructional. While one girl is inserting a tampon at a lake she's struck by a meteorite.
For reasons unknown.
They reach their destination, a house where they'll be filming. Everyone has sex to "practice". This is when it actually starts to resemble porn. Poorly lit shot-on-video mounds of pubic hair 80's porn. The thing about porn and sex in general really is that it's really boring and I don't want to watch it. It serves a purpose, but like sitting there watching porn with the intent to review is kind of a chore, one that garners a bit of weird self-reflection that I don't necessarily recommend. I admit to you now that I fast forwarded through most of the sex scenes unless there was dialog. Tampon Tango in particular was especially un-sexy. It wasn't gross in the sense that they were doing things incorrectly but it was wholly unflattering and I felt like I was observing some kind of science project. The moral of this story is, don't watch this for the reasons one might typically watch a porn. It will surely not work.
Thankfully it ends on a high note. A fantastically silly group sex scene with a giant tampon, confetti (or was it popcorn?) and men in cheerleader skirts twirling batons. Everyone seems really happy and it's probably the most uplifting and memorable final act of a porno ever. Is it worth enduring all 55 minutes? Eh, I'll let you decide.
This guy flips into the scene and lands naked.
Did it satiate the craving that those masterpieces I watched earlier this month created. No. But it was an interesting diversion.